


I'll be your solace

by Grilled_cheesy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Castiel (Supernatural), Age Play Caregiver Sam Winchester, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anxiety, Bed-Wetting, Castiel in the Bunker, De-Aged Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Schmoop, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:57:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grilled_cheesy/pseuds/Grilled_cheesy
Summary: Dean has been in a bad place and turns to an unconventional method of comfort with the help of Sam and Castiel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first time posting a fic on this website so please be gentle.  
> This story can take place anywhere within the series however it is set in the bunker.  
> Also, this story is completely Non-sexual. All the relationships will be between caretaker and 'baby'  
> I hope you enjoy!!

Dean sat at the table in the kitchen of the bunker, sipping on his third beer of the night. He and Sam had just returned from a particularly rough hunt. There was a vamp nest not too far from Lebanon Kansas, really it was suppose to a quick and easy hunt. Only, Dean's head just wasn't in the right place and it ended with Dean acquiring a pretty nasty busted lip and a large gash across his torso, among other small cuts and scrapes. It was nothing he couldn't handle, but it didn't feel great either. Cas wasn't around, he was dealing with issues upstairs, or he would've offered to heal his wounds, not that Dean would allow him to, but still.

It's just that lately Dean hadn't been himself. He'd been brooding more often than not, his self-hatred seemed only to be increasing, and Sam and Cas had taken notice of it. Sam, especially was worried, he hadn't seen Dean this withdrawn since he had returned from hell. He couldn't help but see how Dean was slipping further and further into a state of mind that was certainly no good. Dean was making careless mistakes on hunts, he hardly ever ate real food, he hardly ever slept, and he was drinking himself into oblivion. And of course, in true Winchester fashion, he refused to talk about it with anyone.

"Dean," Sam said as he walked into the kitchen.

Dean only glanced in his direction.

"You should let me help you with those cuts, or get a shower at least. You got pretty beat up today," Sam said.

"M'fine," Dean mumbled in return as he took another swig of beer.

Sam sighed. He contemplated for a moment on whether fighting with Dean was on this was worth it. He worried that one of these days, Dean might make a mistake that had unforeseen consequences. And Sam couldn't bare to lose his older brother again.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam spoke up again.

"It's okay if you're not. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No," Dean replied quickly.

"Dean, I know you're not fine. I can see it and so can Cas. We're worried about you," Sam waited for Dean to say something but he stayed silent, absentmindedly pulling at a loose thread on the sleeve of his flannel. "No one is going to judge you for whatever you're dealing with. I know you're not one for chick flick moments, but I-"

"I'm serious Sam. I said I'm fine. I don't need any of your Dr.Phil crap," Dean said cutting Sam off.

At that point, Sam had accepted defeat and trudged to his room.

Dean sighed and finished off his third beer, dropping the empty bottle onto the table. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and placed his elbows on the table.

It's not that Dean didn't want to be his old self, he did. But lately everything had just been a little too much. He felt trapped in his own mind, stuck on a continuous loop of self degrading crap. Sometimes he felt like all he wanted to do was curl up with a pair of arms wrapped safely around him and cry. But if you knew Dean, you knew that that was simply not an option, so instead he turned to drowning his sorrows in alcohol. John had thoroughly ingrained into Dean's head that crying was for when you were alone and no one else could see you. Dean was supposed to be strong for himself, he was suppose to be strong for Sammy. He wasn't strong enough though.

Dean never really had the chance to be a child. He never had the chance to be taken care of, he always had to be grown up for Sammy. Dean has never held that against Sam, it wasn’t his fault. But Dean had always been there for Sam in a way that Sam couldn’t reciprocate for him. That was probably Dean’s own fault, he never let Sam take care of him. Heck he never even gave Sam a chance to help. Always brushed him off insisting that he was fine because that’s what he was supposed to do. How was Dean meant to unload all his issues onto Sam, or Cas even? It just wasn’t fair to them and there were some urges that Dean just couldn’t give into, no matter how strong.

Dean was growing tired and dragged himself to his room. He quickly got into bed without undressing and fell into a restless sleep. Sleeping had now often been accompanied by nightmares which left Dean feeling tired and unrested in the morning. He dreamt of Sam’s death. He saw him die in every way imaginable, including ways that had already happened to Sam and every time was Dean's fault. Most mornings, he woke up screaming, or with tears in his eyes. He just felt small.

This morning was only a little different. Dean shot straight up in bed, his breathing rough and jagged. There was a river of sweat running down his back and tears in the corners of his eyes. He was about to lay back down when he felt an itchy, wetness between his legs. At the realization of what had happened, Dean only began to cry harder. He was unable to stop his tears from falling as the cold fabric of his jeans clung to his thighs. He was a grown man for fuck sake. He was supposed to be able to control not only his tears, but his bladder. 

After a while, his eyes were dry and he stripped the sheets off of his bed and took them to the laundry room.

Sam had found it extremely strange that Dean was doing laundry. But with the way Dean was acting as of late, nothing should’ve surprised him anymore. 

Sam headed to the kitchen with the intent of cooking up breakfast, but he was surprised to find that Dean was already doing so.

“Morning,” Dean said.

“Morning to you too. You seem better,” Sam replied.

Dean only smiled in return. The thing was, after last night, Dean definitely wasn’t better. But he figured it was better not to let Sam know that. He’d already worried his little brother enough.

“So, you want scrambled or fried eggs?” Dean asked.

Sam was about to answer when the sound of wings interrupted.

“Hello Dean. Sam,” Came Cas’ gravely voice.

“Cas,” Dean said cheerily “where’ve you been?” 

Cas immediately gave Dean a hug which Dean returned. It was almost as if he knew that Dean had really needed it after the night that he had had. It’d been a few weeks since Cas had made an appearance.

“I have been assisting angels in heaven but I’m done now,” he replied a bit ominously.

“Well it’s good to have you back buddy,” Dean said and Sam smiled in reply.

The boys all ate breakfast together simply catching up, then later they all joined on the couch with a six pack to watch a movie together. They decided to binge watch some of the Harry Potter movies, (obviously it was Sam’s idea). It was a relatively good and relaxing day.

However, Sam could just tell that when Dean had felt better, it was just an act. He could see the look on his face and in his eyes when dean thought that no one was looking. There was nothing Sam could do though until Dean let him. And obviously that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.

After their sixth movie in a row had ended, Sam, Dean and Cas all decided it was high time to get some sleep and said their good nights. Sam was about to retreat to his room but stopped by Dean’s door. 

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you said you were fine, but I just want you to know that I’m here,” Sam said a bit sheepishly. 

Dean decided not to fight it anymore.

“I got it Sammy, goodnight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam takes care of Dean.

Dean sprung out of bed, awoken by another nightmare. He wiped his face, and was horrified to realize that he had wet the bed once again. Similar to the day before, Dean couldn’t stop the waterworks. Dean sat in his own mess, as he sobbed uncontrollably. He couldn’t understand what was happening. For one thing it was disgusting, but it was also embarrassing. Dean was disgusted and embarrassed for himself. This didn't make any sense at all, why was this happening to him? Dean felt like he wasn't Dean anymore, he felt as if everything around him was gaining in size. Or maybe he was getting smaller? Dean's breathing started to become labored and he curled into himself. He hoped that if he could make himself small enough that maybe he would disappear. Dean felt his cheeks heat up as he struggled to get air to his lungs. Dean was full on wheezing. He sat in his own pee as it grew itchy and cold against his legs and tried to control his breathing. Eventually he had cried himself back to sleep, unable to muster the energy needed to get out of bed and throw his sheets in the wash and much less the energy he needed to calm down.

Sam had had breakfast waiting in the kitchen, but by 11:00, Dean still hadn’t left his room. With growing concern, Sam had decided to go and check on his brother.

Sam knocked on Dean’s door for several minutes but there was no reply. Sam cracked the door open to see Dean’s sleeping form still in bed. He quietly walked inside and tapped Dean’s shoulder.

“Dean, Dean. It’s like 11 you’ve gotta get up dude.”

Dean slowly opened his eyes.

“Hey, man how late were you up last night?”

Dean regained his consciousness and suddenly remembered the events that occurred earlier. With no warning, he burst into tears and his emotional state returned to the one he had been in earlier.

“M’sorry Sammy! I didn’t mean to I swear! I’m sorry, I’ll be better I promise,” Dean sputtered out over his tears. He was hyperventilating again.

“Hey, hey, sorry for what? It’s okay,” Sam tried to calm him down in his own confused state.

Dean continued to sob uncontrollably as snot began gathering under his nose. He truly was acting like a toddler.

“Dean, calm down. You gotta breathe dude. What happened?”

Sam moved to sit on the bed next to Dean when he felt it. The wet puddle in the middle of the bed quickly spread towards Sam’s weight. He lifted up the covers off of Dean to see if his suspicion was correct. And it was. Dean had wet the bed. Sam felt a little bit of second hand embarrassment for his brother and he wasn't sure if he should leave him be or continue to try and calm him down.

“I’m sorry, Sammy I didn’t mean to!” Dean kept screaming.

“Shhh Dean it’s okay,” Sam whispered. “Stand up buddy, we’re gonna get you cleaned up.” Sam didn’t know what was happening, he was confused as ever. But if there was one thing that he knew, he knew that he needed to comfort Dean as much as he could, and staying in his wet clothes was not an option.

Sam gently helped Dean to get out of bed and then walked him to the bathroom. Sam turned on the shower and was about to leave Dean to clean himself up when Dean let out a wail.

“Don’t leave. Don’t wan be alone,” he said as his lip quivered.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stay. Can you get your clothes off or do you want help?”

“Help,” Dean said as he lifted his arms so Sam could pull off his tee shirt.

Sam pulled off Dean’s tee shirt but then decided that giving him a bath would be easier. So he turned off the shower and started filling the tub with water and bubbles. Sam removed all of Dean’s clothing except his underwear. Sam felt so beyond uncomfortable, he'd seen his brother in a lot of unusual situations but it'd been a long time since he'd seen Dean naked and even though Dean wasn't himself as of now, Sam still wanted him to be able to keep his dignity.

“You want me to take them off or do you wanna do it,” Sam asked.

“Me,” Dean replied with tears still in his eyes.

Sam turned around to give Dean a little privacy while he took his underwear off and got into the bath. 

Once Dean was all situated he mumbled a soft “Okay,” and Sam turned around. Sam was thankful that the bubbles covered Dean’s crotch.

Sam wet a washcloth and squeezed a small amount of soap on it. 

“You want me to wash you off, or do you want to do it,” Sam asked once again.

Only this time Dean said “you.”

Sam knelt down next to the tub and carefully wiped the sudsy washcloth all over Dean’s chest and arms. He started to run the cloth over Dean’s thighs but was hesitant to wash his privates. Dean seemed not to flinch at Sam’s touch though, and Sam knew he needed to be sure that all the urine was washed away from Dean’s skin so it wouldn’t cause discomfort. So Sam swallowed down the guilt he was feeling at seeing Dean naked and washed away the affected area. Dean barely batted an eye as Sam washed his privates. After all the soap was washed away, Sam unplugged the drain and ran to get a towel. Upon returning, Sam stood Dean up and quickly wrapped the towel around his shaking figure. Dean had started to cry again.

Sam wasn’t really sure what to do, he’d never seen Dean act like this before. It was so strange and foreign because Dean had always put on a strong facade no matter what. It worried Sam that Dean was acting so... Broken. Sam had seen Dean endure a lot of shit, but this?

“Sammy,” Dean muttered pathetically, “wan sleep.”

“Okay buddy, we’ll get you to bed. Just gotta get you all dried off first.”

When Dean was fully dried off, Sam put Dean into clean underwear, sweatpants and a tee shirt before taking him to his own bed since Dean’s was still wet.

“Okay, you can go to sleep now buddy,” Sam said as he tucked Dean in.

Sam was about to leave once again when Dean cried once more.

“Sammy, stay.”

Sam didn’t know what to do. Was he supposed to just sit here until Dean just fell asleep? He desperately needed to figure out what was happening with Dean. Not to mention, Sam needed to clean Dean's sheets. But the poor boy in front of him needed comfort so badly, that Sam couldn’t bring himself to leave. Sam couldn't help but wonder if maybe Dean had been cursed by a witch or perhaps he'd just had a little bit too much to drink and was still a little drunk. All Sam knew was that this was not his brother.

“Cuddles,” Dean whispered.

Sam paused. It probably wasn’t the best idea to get into the same bed as his own brother, but Dean looked so miserable he couldn’t help himself. Sam pulled the covers off of Dean and slid into bed next to him.

Dean immediately placed his head on Sam’s chest so Sam instinctively wrapped his arms around Dean’s torso. He placed one hand against Dean’s head and the other was rubbing circles on Dean’s back, trying to offer as much comfort as possible to his brother. The bed was warm and Dean's clean skin was soft against Sam's bare chest. It was such a strange reversal of roles for Sam, as Dean had been taking care of Sam ever since he was four. Sam never really had the chance to take care of Dean like this.

Sam wanted to let him sleep but he couldn't keep himself from questioning Dean's behavior.

“Dean, are you okay," Sam asked. It was a stupid question obviously he wasn't, but Sam didn't know what else to say.

He shook his head no.

“What’s going on? You can tell me.”

“I dunno. M’sad. I don’t like myself.”

Sam’s heart broke a little. 

“Why would you say that?”

“Cause m’gross. M’a baby who can’t make it to the bathroom.”

Dean started to cry again and Sam shushed him.

“It’s okay Dean. You’re not a baby and you’re not gross. You’re just going through some stuff s’all,” Sam said into his hair.

“Get some sleep Dean,” Sam said and Dean began falling into a peaceful sleep for once.

In that moment Dean felt so small and cared for. He hadn't felt like that in a long time, not since Mary was alive anyway. He was warm and comfortable in the safety of Sam's arms. For the first time in a long time, Dean felt like maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up next to Sam and things go down hill from there.

A few hours later, Dean woke up next to a warm body. He layed in bed with his eyes closed as his head pounded. Dean was blissfully unaware of the events that occurred earlier for all of two minutes. Dean’s eyes snapped open and he rolled over to see Sam laying next to him still asleep. Sam’s arm was still draped over Dean’s middle. Dean stood up as quickly as possible without waking Sam. When he stood his vision went black for a split second as he felt a head rush coming on. Once it passed, Dean left the room speedily and headed towards the kitchen. All he could think about was Sam. Sam being so caring, Sam staying so calm while Dean had totally lost it. He was gentle with him, he didn’t push him or pry too hard to know what was wrong. Dean craved to feel as secure as he had earlier today. But he was so embarrassed that he’d acted like a complete child, not only that but he actually liked it. He liked letting go of adult responsibilities and just letting someone else take care of him. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said out of nowhere.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean said breathing out shakily. This morning had already been stressful enough without Cas sneaking up on him.

Cas mumbled a quick “Sorry.” He could tell that Dean hadn’t been acting like himself. He could sense the stress radiating off his body.

“Where did you go off to last night?” Dean asked.

“Not important. I’m here because you prayed to me.” 

“What? I didn’t pray to you?”

“Dean. You don’t have to directly pray to me. But while you were distressed, your subconscious called out to me.” It was only half true. Castiel did have a feeling that something with Dean was off, but his suspicion was only solidified when Sam had called and said that something was wrong.

“I’m fine Cas.” This was only half true as well.

“I can tell when you’re lying.” Cas could see the dark circles under his eyes and how he was acting all jumpy.

Dean sighed. He wasn’t about to break down and have a full on heart to heart with Cas. He couldn’t, wouldn’t allow himself to be embarrassed anymore than he already was. 

“Cas, it’s alright. I just need to get back to the job, you know? I need to get back working a case and I’ll feel like my normal self again.” Dean wasn’t sure how true his statement was, but he desperately hoped he was right.

Dean was definitely not planning on talking about it with anyone. Not Sam, not Cas, no one. The perfect way to avoid thinking about it was to completely submerge himself into a case. And that’s exactly what he was going to do.

He and Cas headed to the bunker’s library to search the web for cases to work, although Cas had advised Dean several times that it probably wasn’t the smartest idea with his current mental state.

“What about this, a guy in a small town in Missouri was found dead with all the flesh and meat ripped off his bones. I’m thinking a Rugaru maybe. It’s only a few hours away. Could leave tonight and be back tomorrow,” Dean said.

“Dean, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Cas replied. Castiel had good intentions, but it came off a little blunt.

“Why the hell not,” Dean said as he closed his laptop and started leaving the library. Cas followed.

“Because. You seemed to be very distressed earlier, I wouldn’t want your emotions to-“

“Jesus, everyone’s gotta treat me like I’m four fucking years old,” Dean cut Castiel off.

Dean angrily walked to his room and started packing a bag.

“I’ll go by myself,” he said.

“Go where” Sam asked as he emerged from his room and stood by the door of Dean’s. You could tell that he’d just woken up. Sam wasn’t wearing a shirt and his hair was a mess. Sam looked at Dean and could clearly recognize he was not the Dean he was this morning. Sam couldn’t figure out if that was good or bad.

“On a hunt. Why? You wanna scrutinize me too?”

“Dean I’m not trying to criticize you, it’s just, does that really seem like the best thing for you right now,” Sam asked with a caring look in his eyes.

“I’m a grown ass man. I can take care of my own damn self.”

“I’m coming with you,” Cas said.

Dean didn’t reply, only continued packing his bag. He was making a mess while doing so, throwing clothes around his room and unintentionally knocking things over. The room still smelt like urine, but Dean wasn’t sure if that was real or if his mind was playing tricks on him.

Sam pulled Castiel out of Dean’s room and into the hall.

“What happened to him,” Castiel asked with concern laced in his voice.

“To be totally honest, I have no idea,” Sam said. “This morning I went to check on him, and, and, he just like freaked out. Started screaming and crying telling me he was sorry. He pissed his pants, like wet the bed in his sleep. It was like he was a toddler or something.”

“Age regression,” Castiel said.

“What?”

“That’s what happened to Dean he de-aged, probably due to stress and the fact that he never really had a proper childhood,” Castiel rambled on.

“Cas, slow down. What the hell is age regression?”

“Age regression refers to when a person reverts to a child-like state of mind as a form of a coping mechanism. Many people feel free from stress as they regress to a younger age,” Cas supplied.

“ So Dean has the brain of a child now?”

“Not all the time. People regress at different times for different reasons.”

“Great, So he could ‘regress’ or whatever at any given time?”

“Technically, yes.”

Sam’s head was spinning, only a few short hours ago he was giving his grown brother a bath and now he was learning it could become a regular thing . Admittedly it wasn’t the craziest thing that had happened to him but it surely wasn’t the most sane either.

“So what do we do? I mean there’s no way he can go on a hunt by himself like that,” Sam said.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go with him. I’ll watch and take care of him,” Cas said back.

It wasn’t ideal, but Dean didn’t seem to be giving up on the case no matter his state of mind.

“Cas, you coming,” Dean yelled.

“I have to go,” Cas said hastily.

“Keep me updated,” Sam said.

Castiel was about to leave but Sam stopped him. “Cas, how do you know about all this,” Sam couldn’t help but ask.

“I’m an angel of the lord, there is a lot of things I know,” and with that Cas hurried out the door.

•••

After Castiel and Dean had left, Sam had decided he needed to keep himself busy instead of obsessing over Dean’s well-being. Sam decided to do some research about age regression so he could better understand what Dean was going through.

Sam sat in the library with his laptop and began his relentless google search.

He found that there were many different types of age regression and age play. He’d found a Wikipedia page that explained how age regression was sometimes used in therapy. He also found that some people regressed as part of role playing or a kink. Sam really didn’t think that Dean wanted anything sexual though, thankfully. He’d also found another web page that said “Littles”, as they were sometimes called, tended to call their caretakers “daddy”. Sam cringed a bit at that. He wasn’t sure having his brother call him daddy was the most sane or normal thing in the world. But then again, what was sane or normal about either of their lives? Dean hadn’t even specified if he wanted this to be a thing, yet. But if Dean did want this, Sam would be there for him.

After a little more research, Sam decided that he wanted to get something for Dean. He didn’t want to push Dean to do something he wasn’t comfortable with yet, but he wanted Dean to know that he would be there for him and accept him. So Sam headed to the toy store. Upon arriving, Sam wasn’t exactly sure what to get Dean. A pacifier seemed like a little too much for Dean right now, and there was no way Dean would ever want to go full out and sleep in a crib. Sam had found that many littles actually had their own nurseries complete with things such as cribs, changing tables and toys. Sam thought that maybe in the near future Dean might want that, but as of now, Sam was just focused on not embarrassing Dean. Sam imagined Dean dressed in a onesie with a pacifier in his mouth. He had to admit it was a little bit disturbing but a part of him also found extremely adorable. Sam pushed the thought away and shuffled around the isles a little bit until he came across some stuffed animals. There were so many options, teddy bears, monkeys, there was even a bee stuffie which would have been Cas’ first pick. Eventually, there was a puppy dog stuffie that caught his eye. He picked up the soft and fluffy toy giving it a good squeeze before he decided it was perfect for Dean and went to check out.

Sam bought the stuffie and then headed home. Once he got to the bunker, he decided to relax a little since he had the place to himself for a while. Although relaxing proved impossible because all he could think about was Dean. So rather than actually relax he decided to wash Dean’s forgotten sheets. Walking into Dean’s room, it had looked like a bomb went off. There were clothes scattered everywhere, the blankets and sheets had been torn off the bed in anger. Sam cringed a little as he picked up the now dry sheets. He threw them in the wash and then proceeded to tidy up Dean’s room. He figured Dean would be pretty tired when he got back and all he wanted for Dean was for him to be comfortable upon returning. It would make the explosive talk that he knew would take place between them a little easier.

A few hours later, Sam received a call from Castiel.

“Hey Cas, everything okay?”

“No. There’s been a little issue,” Castiel replied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to go on a hunt, it doesn’t go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes back to Dean and Cas’ trip in the car, while the last chapter was focused on the Sam at the end.

Dean and Cas got into the impala. Dean, of course, was in the driver seat and Cas was sitting in the passenger's seat, even though Cas could’ve easily been there by now. Castiel didn’t know what he was supposed to say, the car was quiet save for the AC/DC song that was blasting through the car’s rickety old speakers. Castiel couldn’t really understand human emotions, so understanding what Dean was feeling was a bit tough. But Cas had grown quite good at detecting when something was awkward. And this car ride was definitely a little awkward.

“Dean,” Cas had started to say.

“Cas don’t. I’m not pouring my feelings out to you.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Cas lied. “I was going to ask for details on the case.”

“Oh,” Dean said a little sheepishly. “Well, apparently, a man was mauled to death by what appeared to be some kind of animal. His body was so torn up he can’t be identified. Most of his flesh had been ripped off, presumably consumed.”

“So what’re you thinking?”

“A rugaru maybe. I’m not sure I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”

Cas didn’t say anything after that. He decided that it was probably best to just let Dean cool off. He just wanted Dean to be happy, but continually opening the wound was proving to get him nowhere. Dean had to be the one to open up about whatever was going on when he was ready to. 

Dean was trying his best to focus on the road or the hunt ahead of him but he just couldn’t. His brain wouldn’t shut up. All that kept replaying in his mind was how gentle and soft Sam had been. With all the weird shit Dean had been through, he’d always been able to move on, or block it out. But this was different. He wasn’t moving on. Albeit, it had only been a few hours, but Dean didn’t want to want… whatever this was. He couldn’t just forget what had happened though. How was he supposed to move on? How was everything with Sam just supposed to go back to normal after Sam had literally helped him wash his piss covered body? Dean was beginning to think that he had ruined his whole relationship with Sam. He wasn’t sure they would ever get past the awkwardness that had suddenly arisen. Dean started to hate himself the more he thought about everything. If he had only controlled himself in front of Sam, everything could go on the way it was. It was all his fault. Everything.

The silence in the car had continued on and Cas was beginning to sense Dean’s growing discomfort. Cas thought for a moment, trying to decide if he should stay quiet or try to comfort Dean. He stayed quiet.

The rest of the drive went on that way until they finally reached the small town in Missouri. It was around 10 pm so Dean decided to find a cheap motel and hit the hay. 

Dean left the car running with Cas in it, as he went inside to get a room. Dean decided on getting a single room. Angels didn’t need sleep so there was no sense in getting a double room. Once they got into the room Dean quickly stripped down to a tee shirt and boxers, feeling exhausted from the day behind him. Dean had gotten himself all situated in his bed under the covers and everything, when he noticed Castiel just staring at him.

“Cas. Come on what’re you doing,” Dean said, his voice sounding tired.

“Dean, I may be of use in heaven as of now,” Castiel said very seriously.

“Okay? And?” Dean said a bit agitated.

“So I may need to leave. Do you think you’ll be okay?” Castiel asked gently.

Dean was fed up at this point, he was sick of everyone treating him as if he were glass. He was just as strong and independent as before, at least that was what he was trying to convince himself. Nothing had changed. He’d been on a million hunts with and without Sam or Cas. He would be just fine.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” dean replied trying not to let his agitation show.

That was all that was said before the familiar sound of wings rang out through the room and Cas was gone.

Dean had told himself he was fine, only he wasn’t. Not really. The second Cas was gone, the all too familiar feeling of self-loathe had set in. Dean was lonely, and he was suddenly berating himself for telling Cas to go. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, but for some stupid reason, he couldn’t admit that Cas. He couldn’t even admit it to himself. The motel room suddenly felt much too large and much too empty without the presence of Cas. Dean regretted how he treated Cas in the car. He’d pushed him away when really, he needed him to be there. He regretted not telling Cas to stay. He wished he would’ve said he needed him to stay, he knew that Cas would’ve chose Dean over heaven, but he felt like too much of a burden. Dean felt as if he were useless. He couldn’t even ask for help, how pathetic. Dean was laying on the uncomfortable motel bed, hugging the extra pillow to his chest and desperately trying not to cry. Maybe everyone was treating him like glass because he was fragile.

•••

After Cas had left the room, he decided it would be beneficial to let Sam know what was happening. Cas called Sam and he answered within two rings.

“Hey Cas, everything okay?” Sam asked.

“No. There’s been a little issue,” Cas replied.

Sam’s head was reeling. He couldn’t bare for Dean to be alone if he was going through a regression. Sam knew that Cas would take care of him, but Sam was so desperate to help his brother.

“Oh God, what happened? Did he regress again,” Sam was firing off questions quicker than Castiel could answer.

“No—no Dean is fine at the moment,” Cas said nonchalantly.

Sam let out a sigh of relief. “You couldn’t have prefaced it with that? God, you scared the shit out of me.”

“My apologies,” Cas said. 

There was a pause.

“Well are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or,” Sam said feeling a little annoyed.

“I just thought that I should inform you that I have to leave Dean alone for the time being to attend to some business in heaven.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“No I’m not. Dean told me that he would be fine.”

“Cas, you of all people knows that what Dean says and what he feels are two completely different thing!”

“I am aware, but do not worry. I’ll have my ears open, I trust that he will pray to me should he need anything,” Cas said, not the slightest bit worried.

Sam tried to keep himself calm. 

“Sam, Dean will be fine. I promise,” Castiel assured.

Maybe Sam was overreacting a little. “Okay, okay you’re right, call me if something else happens.”

With that the call ended.

•••

It had been a little over an hour since Castiel had left, and Dean was feeling no better now, than he had when Castiel first left. He was still clutching the pillow close to him, only now a few tears had slipped out. Dean thought about praying to Cas, but decided against it. He didn’t want to bother him with his own issues. Dean’s mind was whirling with awful thoughts. 

This isn’t normal. You should be ashamed. Sam is going to die and it’s going to be all your fault. Castiel is going to hate you for being so needy. Everything that’s wrong is all because of you. 

He was way beyond the point of hiding his tears or his sobs for that matter. The pillow was soon covered in snot and soping wet from his tears. Dean was too afraid to go to sleep. He was scared that he would have nightmares, or worse, he’d have another accident. He wanted Sam. He wanted his brother to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay. He wanted Sam to rub his back the way he had before. He wanted Sam to make all the noise in his head stop. But he was alone.

•••

Dean didn’t get but a wink of sleep. He’d slept for maybe an hour and it was evident on his face. Still, Dean pressed on. Dean was desperate to believe that if he finished this case and just ganked some nasty rugaru, he’d be back to his old self. He was determined to finish this hunt. He wouldn’t allow his brain to keep getting in the way of what he did best. Dean packed up the impala and put on a suit, with the intent of interviewing some witnesses. He was about to walk out the door, when the tell tale fluttering of wings stopped him.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said. “I just thought I’d check up on you this morning.”

Dean was about to make a smart ass comment about not needing a babysitter, but he couldn’t muster up the strength. Castiel started walking closer to him.

“You look awful. Did you get any sleep at all,” Castiel asked, and that was all it took for Dean to fall apart.

He slumped over and rested the full weight of his body on Castiel. The tears began pouring out of his eyes uncontrollably. His forehead was resting on Cas’ left shoulder and his arms hung heavy at his side. His entire chest was being held up against Cas. Castiel quickly threw his arms around Dean’s shaking figure. 

“It’s okay,” Castiel said weakly.

Dean felt so broken. He hated himself for being so weak, he suddenly felt very small.

“M’so tired. I couldn’t sleep, was too scared,” Dean said in between sobs.

The poor boy was practically dead weight against Castiel’s frame. Castiel wanted to be of comfort to Dean but he wasn’t very sure what to do. He had never been good at human things and this was just something that needed a human touch.

“It’s okay,” Cas said again. “I’ll take you home.”

Dean only wailed louder at that. 

“Noooooo, I need’ta stay,” Dean screamed. “I gotta help the people.” Even in this state dean knew that he had to help those people. He needed to do something good, he needed to feel good again.

“Shhh no baby it’s okay. I’ll take care of it. You’ve already done so much,” Cas whispered soothingly.

“Promise,” Dean asked childishly.

“I promise. Can I take you home now? Is that okay?” 

Dean nodded. “Wan Sammy.”

“Okay, you can see Sammy soon. We just gotta get you changed and then we can go Okay?”

Dean nodded as Castiel began taking off the cheap suit and shoving it back into Dean’s duffle bag. He stripped Dean down to his underwear, and then put him in sweatpants and a clean tee shirt.

Castiel knew that Dean wasn’t fond of traveling at the speed angels traveled, but he couldn’t bare to sit in the car for hours with Dean like this. It was the fastest way to get him home.

“Will you be okay if I use my mojo to get us home?” Castiel asked gently.

Dean paused for a moment, then nodded reluctantly. Dean only said yes because he knew he would be home much quicker. And getting home faster meant that he got to see Sammy sooner.

The nod was all Castiel needed for confirmation within two seconds, Castiel, Dean and the impala were back at the bunker.

Sam heard the faint sound of footsteps and came running into the kitchen of the bunker, where he saw a broken Dean standing with tears in his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam had been cooped up in the bunker all alone ever since Dean and Castiel had left. He had barely slept that night, and when he did he just had dreams about Dean. Dean Dean Dean. That was all he could think about anymore. A part of him wanted to believe that nothing had changed. He and Dean would still go on hunts together, Dean would still be the goofy dumbass he always was, and everything would be fine, but that was so far from the truth. There was something about seeing someone in such a vulnerable state that just changed things. It felt like Dean would always be trying to prove his masculinity to Sam after what had happened, even though he didn’t need to. Dean had such an alpha male complex, and getting Dean to talk about anything had proved impossible. Dean had to talk about though. Needed to, to be able to go on. 

Sam was sat in the library of the bunker, trying to distract himself by reading up on some book about the me of letters. But he’d only ended up rereading the same passage over and over again. His brain just wouldn’t shut up and the call from Castiel last night had done nothing but increase the nerves the felt about Dean’s… situation. Sam thought about calling Dean or Cas but refrained. If Dean wanted to do this by himself, he’d let him try. 

Sam decided he was going to go for a quick run, hoping that the exercise would clear his mind. He stood and started towards his room to grab a pair of shorts and a tee shirt when he heard the pitter patter of footsteps from the kitchen of bunker. There was no way Dean and Cas could be back yet, could they? 

Sam cautiously tiptoed down the hall and peered around the corner, only to find Dean and Cas standing there. Sam noticed upon closer look that Dean was crying. Shit.

“Sammy,” Dean wailed as he ran towards him.

Sam opened his arms and allowed the boy to collapse onto him. Dean had his arms slung around Sam’s neck and his head rested against his chest. Sam was rubbing circles on his back with one hand, and the other was being used to support Dean by his hip. He was like dead weight against Sam.

“I’m sorry - I-I didn’t mean to be bad. I can be good I’ll be good next time I promise,” Dean said.

“Shhh, it’s okay Dean. No one is mad at you,” Sam whispered reassuringly.

“But- but dad said hunting comes before everything nd I couldn’t do it. I— couldn’t help,” Dean was hiccuping now with every sob.

Dad? Dean hadn’t talked about John in a long time, but Sam just guessed when Dean was in this state he didn’t have as much of a filter. “Hey hey it’s okay Dean. You’re okay. You did everything you could and that’s more than enough.”

Castiel was still just standing there looking at the scene in front of him. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Sam said. Judging by the bags under Dean’s eyes, Sam figured Dean didn’t get any sleep last night.

Dean just nodded.

Sam had started walking Dean towards his room when he turned around to look at Cas to discover that Cas was gone. Great, just great.

Sam pulled back the covers of Dean’s bed and helped him climb in it. This time, Sam assumed that Dean wouldn’t want him to leave, but a part of him wanted to hear Dean confirm it, incase Sam was overstepping. Sam stood there for a few seconds, expecting dean to say something only he didn’t. Feeling a little disappointed, Sam began walking towards the door.

“Wait,” Dean said so quietly that Sam almost didn’t hear it. “Stay with me.”

Sam smiled a little and climbed into bed next to him. Dean immediately positioned himself against Sam. Their chests were pressed together and Sam’s strong arms were wrapped around Dean. He was still sniffling a little.

“Will you tell me a story,” Dean asked.

“A story? Um Yeah, sure.” Sam didn’t really know what kind of story to tell. He didn’t exactly have much experience with children. 

Sam ended up telling a story about a prince but before he could come up with an ending, Dean was already fast asleep. Sam decided he needed to take advantage of Dean being asleep. He carefully detached himself from Dean and left the room as quietly as possible. He walked to the library, sat down at a table, and began praying to Castiel. 

After a few minutes the sound of wings came and Castiel appeared in front of him.

“What the hell,” Sam said leaving no room for greetings.

“I’m sorry Sam, I promised Dean that if he let me take him home I would take care of the rugaru,” Castiel said in a monotone voice.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. “I think you need a lesson in communication. So what happened?”

“I took care of the rugaru.”

“No not that Cas, what happened with Dean?” Castiel didn’t have that human touch.

“Oh. Well I left to take care of business and then went back to check on him in the morning, and he was in his regressed state.”

“Cas what do I do? I mean, am I supposed to just take care of him when he falls apart and then when he’s okay I’m supposed to walk around on eggshells? Let him avoid me and pretend it didn’t happen? I don’t think I can do that Cas.”

“No one is asking you to,” Cas said. “Dean will come around. He just needs some time, he will eventually talk about it and things will become normal again.”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know. He seems worse than I’ve ever seen him before. Like really bad Cas, worse than when he came back from hell.”

“All you can do is be there for him. Give it time. It’ll be okay.”

Sam wasn’t sure how much he believed Cas. After the mornings events, now Sam really needed that run. He asked Castiel to look after Dean just for thirty minutes, so that he could get through a quick run. All he needed was to blow off steam.

•••

As promised, Sam returned after thirty minutes. He thanked Cas who left promptly after, and Sam went to the kitchen to get some water. He felt much more at ease.

Meanwhile, Dean had woken up in his room alone. He rolled over and felt the sheets up and down, searching for Sam’s warm body. His eyes quickly opened and welled up with tears once he realized that he was alone. Of course he was. Even when someone cared about him, they never really cared. They just felt bad for him. Sam just felt bad because he was crying. Sam only waited for Dean to fall asleep so he could leave without feeling guilty. Sam was obligated to care about Dean. Even with these thoughts swirling around Dean’s brain, he still left his room in search of Sam.

It didn’t take long for Dean to stumble into the kitchen and see Sam cutting up an apple.

“Hey buddy, how did you sleep,” Sam asked carefully.

Dean’s arms hung heavy at his side and his eyes were glassy. “You left. I woke up nd you weren’t there.”

Sam was mentally slapping himself. “Oh buddy c’mere. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you alone.” He opened his arms and once again allowed Dean to slump against him. He should’ve known that Dean would be fragile and sensitive, in this state. He should’ve stayed with him, he shouldn’t have left him alone.

Dean was sniffling lightly, and shivering a little. “S’okay.”

They stood there for a moment, as Sam allowed Dean to calm down a little. Once Dean pulled away, Sam asked “do you want something to eat?”

Dean nodded.

“Alright what do you want? You want an apple and pb & j?”

“Want pie,” Dean said cracking a smile.

Sam couldn’t help but smile at that. “Pie? For lunch? Mmm how about you eat some real food first.”

“Pie isn’t real?” Dean asked looking confused.

“You know what I mean. How about this, you eat some pb & j and some apples and we’ll get you some pie,” Sam said walking to the fridge.

“Okay,” Dean said happily.

Sam made him a sandwich and cut an apple up for him. He placed it all on a plate and then put in front of Dean’s spot on the table.

“Eat up, or no Pie,” Sam said smiling.

Dean laughed. Sam regretted ever thinking that he and Dean couldn’t be happy again. His heart was so full, caring for Dean had filled a certain gap in him that he didn’t even know was there. Sam ruffled Dean’s hair and then sat down next to him.

“So what do you wanna do today buddy?” Sam asked. Sam wasn’t sure how long Dean would be this Dean, but he couldn’t see him being big today. 

“Can we play when I’m done?” Dean asked with his mouth full of food.

There wasn’t really much to play with in the bunker. Except for the weapons, but that wasn’t really an option for Dean right now. “Sure, we can play. What do you wanna play?”

“Mmm we can play super hero. But I get to be the good guy. You gotta be the bad guy,” Dean said giggling a little.

Sam faked scoffed. “No, you’re gonna make me do that?! Really?” Sam enjoyed playing around with Dean. He hadn’t seen Dean this happy in a long long time.

Dean finished his food quickly and the pie was forgotten because all he wanted to do was play. And thankfully so because Sam wasn’t sure how he and Dean could go out in public with Dean like this.

Sam chased Dean around the bunker while he squealed. 

“You better run! I’m gonna getchu,” Sam yelled while running after Dean.

Dean was screaming and jumping all over the furniture. Sam picked Dean up and tossed him down on the couch. He started tickling and poking at Dean’s sides while he kicked his legs around crazily. He couldn’t stop laughing and Sam couldn’t stop smiling. Dean’s happiness was bringing such happiness to Sam. Sam felt so relieved to see his brother smile again. After a while, both the boys grew tired and collapsed on the couch in front of the tv.

“Movie!” Dean pleaded. “Can we watch the lion king please, please!”

“Okay Okay we can watch the lion king,” Sam said.

Sam rented the movie and sat on the couch with Dean placed under his arm. Everything felt just perfect. Nothing could ruin Dean or Sam’s mood.

Dean didn’t really like the part where Simba died though. He covered his eyes by pushing his face against Sam’s chest. Other than that Dean felt content. So content that he began to doze off during the movie. Once Sam had noticed, he carried Dean to his room and tucked him into bed. Sam was positive Dean was sound asleep when he heard the small voice.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Don’t leave again.” 

Sam’s heart broke a little.

“I won’t. I’ll stay here all night okay?”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise bud.”


	6. Chapter 6

Sam peeled his eyes open. He was still bundled up in the covers with Dean pressed against him. Dean was still fast asleep, his warm breath tickling the exposed skin of Sam’s neck. The younger boy couldn’t help but smile. He peered at the digital clock from across the room, it was only 8:00. Dean probably wouldn’t be awake until at least 9:00. Sam watched Dean’s chest rise and fall as his mind wandered. He wondered who Dean would wake up as. Selfishly, he wished Dean would stay little, but realistically he realized that that might not be the case. Dean was so much more… bearable when he was little though. Sam knew how fucked up and selfish that sounded but it wasn’t that Sam didn’t love Dean when he was big, he did. It’s just that there was something about taking care of him in that state that made Sam feel whole. In his normal state of mind, Dean would never allow himself to be coddled or held. Sam needed this just as much as Dean did. 

His mind was wandering when Dean began whimpering in his sleep. He was flinching and soon became jittery. Sam tried to soothe him by running his hand up and down his arms. 

“Dean, you’re having a nightmare buddy,” Sam whispered trying to wake the shaking boy gently.

Dean wouldn’t wake though, he just continued to whimper and wither in his sleeping state. Sam continued to try and comfort him as best he could, when he felt a wetness spreading from Dean and then there was a light hissing noise. Shit shit shit.

“Dean, buddy, wake up,” Sam said a bit louder.

Dean’s eyes shot open. Shit he thought. He’d wet himself again, but what made it ten times worse, he’d gotten Sam all wet too. Fuck this could not be happening. He shot out of bed, all the sleepiness leaving his body as he realized what he’d done. Sam was still lying in bed looking up at Dean. There was a large wet spot on his pants and he could see the dark spot on the sheets. Shit. 

“I— I’m sorry, I,” Dean said. Sam could tell this wasn’t little Dean. Had Dean been little, he’d had been a crying mess.

Dean started speed walking out the room before Sam had a chance to stop him. 

“Dean wait, I—“ Sam started to say, but the older man had already vacated the room.

Dean hurried to the bathroom and quickly locked the door. What the fuck was happening? He placed his elbows on the bathroom counter and put his head in his hands gingerly rubbing his eyes. He was so embarrassed and humiliated. Dean still retained his memories of what had happened when he hadn’t been himself. It’s like he had no control over himself and in the back of his mind there was a part of him screaming what are you doing? But in the moment, Dean didn’t care about what he was supposed to do or who he was supposed to be. The only thing he cared about was being taken cared of. And yes in the moment it was amazing, but the shame he felt afterwards was worse than any other feeling he ever had. How pathetic could one person be?

Dean stripped out of his clothes and got into the shower. The water was stinging his skin a little, as if he were trying to burn away his shame. He knew that Sam would want to talk about. Dean didn’t know if he could handle that, his cheeks were growing red just at the thought of it.

After he’d gotten out of the shower he quickly retreated to his room and locked the door. He couldn’t face Sam. Not so soon after. He told himself he needed time. He needed to be alone and just sulk and wallow a little bit. He needed time to feel sorry for himself before he could see Sam again.

So that’s exactly what he did. Dean had locked himself in his room for two days. Mostly he just laid in bed. He listened to music or watched TV but he never really paid attention.

Sam hadn’t even tried to talk to him or see him, he knew that Dean just needed space to cool down a bit. But it had started to worry him. Dean had not left his room at all. Not even to eat which was extremely out of character. Sam tried his best to resist the urge to go see Dean as best he could. But on the morning of the third day since Dean had left his room, Sam finally broke.

He stood outside of his room working up the courage to knock on the door. After a few minutes he carefully knocked on the door.

“Dean?”

No answer.

Sam sighed. He knew that Dean was there, could hear his breathing, and he decided to talk through the door.

“Look, if you just want to let this die, I understand. If that’s what you need to go on, then fine. But if you don’t want this to die I’ll be here. You don’t have anything to be ashamed or embarrassed of and I won’t judge you for what happened or what’s happening. You say the word and I’ll forget it ever happened. I just, I just want you to know that you’re still my brother. And I still love you, no matter what you choose to do.”

Sam stood by the door, waiting. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for but still he stood unmoving.

Still no answer.

Dean was sat on the floor with his back pressed up against the door. He heard Sam’s footsteps retreat further down the hall and he took a deep breath. A part of him was relieved. Maybe he and Sam could do this. It didn’t have to be weird, right? Sam could continue to take care of him when he needed it and when he didn’t they could just be brothers right? But soon Dean realized how ridiculous he sounded.

In the kitchen, Sam was eating a salad when dean finally left his room. He couldn’t take the hunger anymore.

“Hey,” Sam said cautiously.

“Hey,” Dean replied smiling a little sheepishly. “Man, you gotta stop with the rabbit food. What about meat for once?”

Sam smiled, there was the Dean that he knew. “Shut up,” he tried to say seriously but he couldn’t hold in his laughs. Both boys were so relieved to have a normal day for once. It was a day with no stress, no hunts, no angel drama, no nothing. It was a perfect easy day to unwind before Sam inevitably ruined it. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut he couldn’t leave it alone. Both boys knew this was coming eventually.

“Dean I know I said I’d forget about if you wanted me to, but I can’t,” Sam said a bit nervously.

Dean wanted to scream, he wanted to tell Sam to shut up, or punch him in the face, or just storm out and leave, but it wasn’t fair to Sam. Sam had taken care of Dean, he’d done things for Dean that he never expected him to. The least he owed him was an explanation. And maybe an apology.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me Sam,” Dean said sullenly. 

Sam didn’t say anything, he wasn’t sure if he should drop the whole age regression thing on him just yet. 

“I can feel myself slipping further and further into this— this— I don’t know. I’m a different person, I just lose control,” Dean continued.

Sam was about to interject but Dean just kept going. “I’m sorry Sam. I didn’t mean to dump all that crap on you, it just happened. And I didn’t mean to make you do anything that—“

“You didn’t make me do anything Dean, and stop apologizing. It’s not like you wanted this to happen, it’s not your fault,” Sam interrupted.

“How can I know this wasn’t my fault? I don’t even know what this is.” He raised his voice a little, his agitation clearly there.

“It’s called age regression,” Sam said quickly.

“What?” Dean looked endlessly confused.

“Age regression. It’s like a coping mechanism that can happen involuntarily. It’s when a person mentally regresses to a younger age, usually when they’re under stress.” Sam could hardly look at him as he said it.

“Okay? So what? Sometimes I just act like baby?” Dean asked as he stared at the floor.

“I mean, yes. It doesn’t have to be a big deal Dean.”

“But it does Sam. I’m not gonna burden you or Cas with this thing. Normal people don’t have to do this to cope so why should I.”

“Because we’re not normal people. You deserve this Dean. You deserve to be cared for and loved,” Sam said a bit pleadingly.

“Okay so what if I ‘deserve’ it? You don’t deserve to have to be the one to take care of me. I’m not gonna inconvenience you like that. I won’t be a burden.” Dean was still staring at the ground.

Sam wanted to scream. Dean couldn’t see just what he was worthy of. 

“You’re not a burden to me. You’re my brother and I love you and you could never be a burden to me. I’ll take care of you in any way you need, just like I know you would for me,” Sam said.

Dean was starting to believe Sam a little. Yet Sam could still sense the uncomfortableness in the room. For a while no one said anything but, Dean could feel Sam’s eyes on him.

“Look, we don’t have to talk about it anymore right now,” Sam sighed. “I’m going to bed, so I’ll see you in the morning I guess.”

“Wait,” Dean said a little hesitantly. “Thank you Sammy.”

Sam’s heart swelled and he couldn’t even say anything. He just flashed the biggest smile and looked into Dean’s eyes for a moment, then headed off to bed.

Sam was proud of Dean. He’d come such a long way, and the walls that he had built for himself were slowly breaking down. There was this guardedness about Dean, that was starting to dissolve and in Sam’s eyes, it was beautiful. Sam went to bed that night feeling content and hopeful for the future.

However Dean did not. Shortly after Sam went off to bed, Dean retreated back to his room as well. But he didn’t sleep. He tossed and turned at the thought of having another nightmare or wetting the bed again. Doing laundry everyday was growing old really quick. Every time Dean would think he was about to fall asleep, something inside of him jerked awake. 

You can’t go to sleep you’ll have another nightmare and wet the bed like the baby you are. You’re forcing Sam into doing something he definitely doesn’t want to do. You cannot sleep. Nope.

It was awful. He was so sleep deprived he was worried he might start hallucinating soon. 

He knew he wasn’t little right now, but he still had the urge to go seek out Sam. After another hour of torture he quietly padded down the hallway. 

“Sam, are you awake?”

There was no answer and Sam didn’t stir at all. Dean sighed, trying to decide if he should go back to his own bed or just crawl in bed with Sam. He decided with the latter, as he was unable to force himself to leave. Sam didn’t wake up but still wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean felt safe and warm and just good. He fell asleep within minutes, confident that Sam’s presence would scare off his nightmares.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos!!^^  
> If you have any specific requests or suggestions for this fic please comment!  
> Also I’m thinking about making this into a series, thoughts?

The next few days had been a little awkward to say the least. Both boys were still figuring out their places in all of this and it had taken a bit of trial and error, as there were somethings that they just weren’t comfortable doing yet. Or even talking about. They hadn’t gone on a hunt or even researched a case in a little over a week, which seemed to be their record. Sam had been getting a little anxious to get back out there, but he knew that Dean’s needs were more important as of now.

However, both boys were communicating much more efficiently, and both their moods seemed to be lifted. So, on Saturday morning when Dean had woken up in his little space, Sam decided it was the perfect time to finally present him with the little dog stuffie. Sam had had the damn thing for so long, but he didn’t want to overwhelm Dean or embarrass him. Things had been going so smoothly as of late though, that he couldn’t see the sense in hiding it any longer.

Sam was standing over the stove absentmindedly humming while he flipped pancakes when Dean sleepily entered from the hall.

“Good morning, you want any pancakes?” He asked.

Dean nodded as he licked his chapped lips a little.

It was a little hard to tell, but Sam assumed that Dean was little at the moment, judging by the lack of verbal communication and the childish look in his eyes.

Dean stayed silent as he sat at the table with his head laid on the table while Sam continued cooking and humming. A few minutes later Sam joined Dean at the table with two plates.

“Hey I have something for you,” Sam said.

Dean’s face lit up. “Really? A present?” 

Sam was positive now that Dean was in his little space, big Dean would’ve definitely declined a gift.

“I’ll be right back okay?” Sam said.

Dean nodded in reply.

Sam couldn’t contain his smile. He quickly retrieved the stuffie and walked back to the kitchen holding it behind his back. Dean had already dug into the pancakes, there was syrup all over his mouth, but when Sam entered the room the pancakes were forgotten. 

Dean stood excitedly, trying to peek behind Sam’s back.

“Uh uh, no peeking,” Sam said grinning.

“No fair!” Dean said as he sat down again.

“Close your eyes.”

Dean closed his eyes shut with his hands out in his lap patiently waiting. Sam carefully placed the stuffie in Dean’s hands, he was a bit nervous to see Dean’s reaction.

The younger boy eagerly opened his eyes but his smile faltered a little. Sam wondered if it was too much, maybe he’d overwhelmed him, or he just wasn’t ready, or he was embarrassed.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it, I can take it back, I just thought that—“ Sam started to blabber.

With glassy eyes, Dean threw his arms around Sam’s neck in a hug.

“Thank you,” Dean said in almost a whisper.

“You’re welcome buddy,” Sam said back feeling elated that Dean liked the gift.

They stood in the embrace for a moment when Sam finally pulled away.

“Come on, let’s finish eating and then we can do something.”

“Can we play pretend after breakfast?” Dean asked as he squished the stuffie into his chest.

“Yeah buddy, we can do whatever you want.” Sam’s cheeks were growing sore from smiling so much. He hadn’t been this happy in so long, it was such a welcomed change in pace.

Dean was shoveling pancakes into his mouth, and in the process had gotten syrup all over his hands, arms, face, everywhere. Sam picked up his new toy and set it aside as to not get it all sticky.

“Somebody’s a messy little boy,” Sam said. Dean giggled. “Looks like you’re gonna need a bath.”

“No bath! Wan play,” Dean said, still devouring his breakfast. “Don’t need a bath.”

“Hmmm I don’t know about that,” Sam said laughing.

“Sammy no! I just wan play, please?”

“I’ll tell you what,” Sam said standing up. “You take a real quick bath and we can play as long as you. All day if you feel like it. Sound good?” Sam picked up the now empty plates, and put them in the sink.

Dean was still whining about the bath when Sam scooped him up and threw him over his shoulder (with tremendous effort of course). He carried him to the bathroom while Dean laughed and screamed, lightly pounding on Sam’s back.

“Sammy no!” Dean screamed but he couldn’t help laughing.

“You’re all sticky, don’t you wanna get clean?”

“No,” Dean said stubbornly.

“Well, too bad for you, you don’t got a choice,” Sam said before lightly pressing a little peck to Dean’s forehead.

Dean sat on the toilet seat with his arms crossed pouting a little while Sam filled up the tub. Dean was not very fond of bath time. For one thing, it took away from play time and Dean really liked to play. But besides that, Dean didn’t like to be a nuisance to Sam. Even when he was little, subconsciously a part of him still felt guilty, he hadn’t been able to completely let go. Not to mention, it was a little awkward, especially once Dean was big again. So maybe there were lots of reasons that Dean didn’t like baths, but it didn’t really matter. Sam would still make him do it.

Sam knew about Dean’s discomfort with baths and had tried to ease some of it. Sam thought about getting some bath toys and added it to the long list of things that Sam needed to do for Dean.

Soon enough, the bath was full. The boys had been through bath time on several different occasions and it always went the same. Sam would turn around to let Dean undress and get into the bath under the bubbles, Dean would complain about how long it was taking, Sam would clean him off with soap and a washcloth, and then they would drain the tub and Dean would get all bundled up in a towel. So that’s pretty much how it went. Sam found it cute that Dean still forced him to look the other way when he undressed, even though at this point Sam had seen everything, literally everything.

“Sammy you said bath would be quick.” There was the complaint.

“You’ve barely been in here for five minutes.”

“But Sammyyy, I wan play.”

“I know, I know, just gotta get all the syrup off. Maybe if you weren’t such a mess you wouldn’t need a bath,” Sam joked.

“No fair!” Dean said childishly. “How come you never need a bath.”

Sam smiled. In truth, it’d been really hard for Sam to find ample time to take care of himself. Sometimes Dean would be little for a day or two and Sam wouldn’t have much if any time for himself. Not that Sam really minded, he loved taking care of Dean, it’s just that he was getting a bit tired. But of course, he’d never let Dean know that. “I never need a bath because I know how not to be messy.”

As the bath was drawing to an end, Dean suddenly became very concerned with the whereabouts of his new toy.

“Sammy I wan my doggy. Where is he?” Dean asked a bit anxiously.

“He’s in the kitchen, how bout you dry off and I’ll go get it Okay?” Sam said calmingly.

Dean nodded.

Sam ran to the kitchen and returned a moment later with the stuffie in hand. Dean was wrapped in his towel and made grabbie hands at the stuffie, to which Sam happily handed it to him. Dean smushed it up to his face, his arms wrapped tightly around it and his eyes closed constantly.

“He looks like bones,” Dean remarked still snuggling the stuffie.

“He does look like bones.”

“I’m gonna name him bones,” Dean said and Sam smiled. “Can we go play now?”

“Yep. We can go play, buddy,” Sam said.


	8. Chapter 8

Sometimes Dean understands why the switch occurs. Sometimes certain things trigger it, like a nightmare, or he’s thinking too much, or he’s just had a rough day and needs to be taken care of. But sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes Dean is little, for no particular reason. Like now, Dean had just woken up in his little space and now he was playing hide and seek with Sam, just like he promised they would after his bath.

Currently, Dean was hiding under his bed while Sam stomped around pretending not to know where Dean was. He was lying on his stomach peering out at the floor in front of him with his stuffie, bones, squashed under his arm.

“Hmmm where could Dean be?” Sam said loudly while slowly stepping into Dean’s room.

Dean giggled.

Sam walked over to the chair in the corner and picked up the blanket that was sitting on top of it, making sure Dean could see him. “Is he underhere?” Sam said dramatically. “Nope.”

Dean covered his mouth in order to stifle his giggle, while Sam continued on with the act a few more minutes. 

“Maybe he’s under here,” Sam said as he bent over to look under the bed.

The second Dean saw Sam, he squirmed from under the bed and ran out the bedroom door while screaming and laughing.

“You gotta get me!” Dean yelled.

Sam chased after Dean for a while before he caught up to him and grabbed him by the waist.

“I gotchu!”

Dean was a giggling mess, he was laughing and screaming. Sam swung him around and then laid on the couch and pulled Dean on top of him.

“Let go of me!” Dean screamed while he squirmed. “Wan keep playing!”

“You’ve got too much energy for me buddy,” Sam said, even though he knew that Dean was tired too. Dean eventually stopped squirming and slumped against Sam, his stuffie still in his hand.

“I like playing with you,” Dean said. His eyes were closed now, and his breathing was slowing down. He was tired and Sam could tell.

“Me too buddy.” 

Dean was struggling to keep his eyes open but he didn’t want to go to sleep just yet. He was worried that if he fell asleep Sam would leave again.

“You can go to sleep if you’re tired Dean, you wanna go back to your room?”

“No!” Dean said quickly. “Wan stay here, not gonna sleep.”

“Are you sure? You seem pretty sleepy.”

Dean thought for a moment. Maybe he could just go back to his room and go to sleep. It’d be okay right? He’d be okay? But he quickly pushed that thought aside, he didn’t want Sam to leave. He wanted Sam to stay so he wouldn’t have another nightmare, he needed to feel safe and okay. He needed Sam to feel okay. If he went to his room, he thought that Sam might leave like he’d done before. If he stayed here on the couch on top of Sam, he’d have no choice but to stay. 

“Sleep here,” he said, with tiredness evident in his voice.

“Okay we can stay here,” Sam replied softly.

“Don’t leave, okay,” Dean said in a bit of a whiny voice.

“M’not gonna leave.”

With that, Dean drifted off to sleep. Sam however, couldn’t sleep at all. He was thinking about Dean, which was all her thought about anymore, but he was thinking about how he didn’t have anything to play with. Maybe dean would like to play with toy cars, he thought. He made a mental note to go to the toy store sometime, but the only problem was he was worried about leaving Dean alone. Dean wasn’t little all the time, but when he regressed, timing was unpredictable. So while maybe if he left Dean alone while he was in her normal state of mind, there was no telling what he would come back to. He’d decided that maybe he would call Castiel, and have him watch out for Dean sometime. Not only did Sam want to go to the store, he’d also really needed some alone time. Sam loved taking care of Dean and all, it’s just that he could use a moment alone to shower or to just have a beer. Having to be the responsible one all the time was really starting to take a toll on Sam. He told himself that he would call Castiel and talk to Dean about it when he’d woken up, but for now he just wanted to be asleep with his boy.

•••

A little over an hour later Dean had woken up, still on top of Sam. Sam was still sleeping and Dean didn’t want to wake him, so he carefully peeled himself away from Sam’s grip and headed to his bedroom. He’d been little for a day or two now and suddenly he was growing tired of sweatpants and tee shirts. He changed into a pair of jeans and a flannel and then decided to go and get some grub for him and Sam seeing as it was nearly 1:30 pm and he hadn’t eaten since the pancakes this morning.

As silently as possible, he headed out to the garage and into the impala. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh of contentment as he started the car and listened to the engine. Ever since all the age regression crap came up, Sam barely ever let him leave and when he did leave, it was never alone and Sam always insisted on driving. Of course Dean never allowed that. But that was also part of the reason Dean didn’t want to wake Sam, he knew that he would definitely have an opinion about him going out alone. It felt so good to be out of the house and on his own for a little while. Even though Dean needed Sam a lot of the time, he felt that when he was in his normal head space, he still needed a sense of independence. Little dean and big Dean just had different needs, and right now Dean just needed a burger.

He decided on going to some little burger place not too far away and picking up him and his brother burgers to go. Of course he had to stop and get pie on the way back too. He was home in no more than twenty minutes, but Sam was still a worried mess.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Sam said the second Dean walked in the door.

“What? I just went and got some food, chill out,” 

“You couldn’t have left a note or something? I was so worried.”

“I’m fine though and you could’ve called me if you were so worried,” Dean snapped back a little sarcastically.

“That’s not the point Dean. How am I supposed to know what’s going on if you don’t tell me? I mean when I fell asleep you were little, how am I just supposed to know that you weren’t still in that head space and weren’t in trouble?”

“Christ, I’m fine. Nothing happened, I’m all good,” Dean said with little sympathy for his brother.

Sam just couldn’t let it be though. “Okay but what if you weren’t?” He asked and then sighed. “Please it’ll just make me feel better if you tell me when you’re gonna do stuff like that. If this is gonna work at all then we need to communicate.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “But I also don’t need you around all the time. Especially when, I’m, you know, not in that headspace.” Dean still felt awkward talking about all this kind of stuff.

It was a little ironic to Sam because he had been thinking the same thing about needing time alone.

“Okay,” Sam replied. “I understand.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Thank god that’s over,” Dean said. “Let’s eat.”

The boys ate the burgers and had a chill day for the most part. The rest of the day consisted of Tv, movies and beer but Sam had decided to make a “supply run” since Dean hadn’t been little since this morning and seemed fine. However, when Dean asked if Sam had wanted company, Sam quickly declined and said he simply needed some alone time. When really, Sam had wanted to go to a toy store and pick up some things so little Dean didn’t always have to play pretend. He had declined Dean’s offer so as to not embarrass the boy. 

Sam drove to the nearest toys r us and headed inside. He shuffled around the isles a bit until he found the hot wheels. He bought a few little cars and a track for them to go on. He also bought some bath toys as an attempt to make Dean not so reluctant to take baths anymore. Sam also made a bit of an impulsive purchase. While he headed to the register, he had to pass the babies r us section of the store and he couldn’t help but stare at the pacifiers. All he could think about was a sleeping Dean sucking on a pacifier. He tried to justify the purchase by saying that maybe it would help Dean sleep, but really he had bought it for his own selfish reasons. He just thought that Dean would look so cute and innocent with a pacifier.  
Sam also stopped to pick up regular supplies so it wouldn’t look too suspicious to Dean. 

Sam returned home to find that Dean was perfectly fine. Relief filled him as he found Dean sitting on the couch nursing a beer instead of curled in a ball and crying. The night went on as any night, and soon the boys both headed off to bed. Only tonight Dean insisted on sleeping in his own bed, alone. Sam assured him that he would stay if he had wanted him to, only Dean didn’t want it. He wanted to prove something to himself, that he could be okay alone. So that’s what happened. They were about to head to their own rooms when Sam stopped Dean.

“Hey, come and get me if you wake up, or if you have issues, okay?”

Dean wanted to make a smart ass comment, but Sam’s comment made him feel warm and safe. “Okay, thanks Sammy.”

After that both the boys went to their rooms and fell asleep soundly. Well at least Sam did.


	9. Chapter 9

It had taken Sam all but 5 minutes from the time his head hit the pillow for him to fall into a deep and blissful sleep, which he desperately needed. Taking care of Dean was growing harder and harder by the day. He felt a bit selfish being so easily able to sleep alone, when he knew that Dean was down the hall most likely having nightmares. But Dean had been so stubborn, he insisted he would be perfectly fine, both boys knew that wasn’t true. 

Since the first time it happened, there had only been a handful of nights when Dean hadn’t wet the bed. Truthfully, Dean had only insisted to sleep on his own tonight because he couldn’t stand to wake up in a wet bed next to Sam anymore. He didn’t want Sam to have to deal with that, Sam was already doing so much for him. The least he could do was keep his bodily fluids off of him.

Now, Dean was lying in bed tossing and turning. Half of him was so so tired and needed sleep so badly, but the other half of him was so scared of the nightmares. It seemed as though Dean was turning on a continuous loop, he was running in circles. First he’d have a hard time sleeping, which consequently made the next day hell because of the lack of sleep, then it’d all be too much and he would resort to taking comfort in Sam. And the cycle just continued on and on and on. He knew that something needed to change, except he didn’t know what. 

He muscled through the night, but still proceeded to wake up wet and cold. Dean went through the familiar motions of washing the sheets early in the morning so Sam wouldn’t know, but Sam always knew. Dean was standing in the laundry room, shoving the soiled sheets into the washing machine when Sam walked down the hall. He had just woken up, his hair was a disheveled mess and he was wearing only a pair of old sweatpants. At the sight of Sam, Dean almost burst into tears and ran into his arms. But he used all his willpower to hold himself together if only for a little longer.

“Hey, how did you sleep?” Sam asked although he already knew the answer.

That was it, Dean couldn’t hold it together any longer. The waterworks started and Dean hung his head low, soft sobs escaping his lips.

“Oh c’mere buddy it’s okay,” Sam said as he opened his arms, stepping a little closer to the now, younger boy. 

Dean greatly accepted the comfort and let Sam pull his arms around him. Dean buried his face in the taller mans chest and slung his arms up around Sam’s neck. Sam placed one hand on the back on Dean’s head, holding him close, and the other was rubbing circles on his back. Dean was pushing against the touch, soaking up all the comfort he could get. 

Sam felt the guilt seeping in, he knew he should have done something last night, he should have stayed with Dean or checked on him at least.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry buddy, you don’t have to be alone anymore Okay?” Sam wasn’t exactly sure what to say or how to comfort him, he hadn’t had nearly as much practice with this as Dean did. “I’ll stay with you.”

Dean was shaking and sobbing and clutching onto Sam like his life depended on it.

“M’sorry I couldn’t be good for a night. I didn’t mean to be—“

“It’s not your fault, buddy. I’m not mad at you okay?”

Dean nodded but the tears didn’t stop. His sobs only grew louder and the tears only fell quicker and more plentifully. He felt so ashamed. He didn’t understand his own brain and it was making him sick. Nothing made sense anymore except for Sam. All he knew anymore was that he wanted Sam.

“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t—“

“Hey, no more apologies. You have nothing to be sorry for and no reason to be upset Okay? It’s my fault buddy, I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Dean closed his eyes shut and pressed harder against Sam’s chest, his eyes making Sam’s chest wet with tears. They both stood there swaying a little bit and holding onto each other. Dean was beginning to calm down a bit and his eyes were dry. The only sound was the low hum of the washing machine and the soft sniffles coming from Dean. Sam was still rubbing Dean back softly, he’d found that that was the quickest way to calm Dean down or help him fall asleep. It was easy to tell that Dean was growing sleepy from the way his eyes stayed shut and how he put all his weight up against Sam. 

Sam pulled away from Dean’s shaking frame, to which the boy let out a little whimper at the loss of contact.

“I’m not leaving you, we’re just gonna go lay down,” Sam reassured him. He let dean hold his hand as he led them both into his own room and laid Dean down under the covers. He quickly joined him, as he knew that that would have been Dean’s next request. The boys lay there, all snuggled up together and both blamed themselves for different things. Sam, for letting Dean feel this way and Dean, for burdening Sam with his problems. However it was hard for Dean to really care at the moment, because he just felt so warm and safe and loved. He was drifting in and out of sleep as he listened to Sam’s steady breathing.

“Love you, daddy,” Dean said half consciously.

Sam’s eyes quickly shot open and he froze for a second. Any other person would’ve probably felt disgusted or uncomfortable, but Sam couldn’t help but feel loved and needed and all the other good things he could think of. Sure it was a little weird to hear his brother call him that, but he took the name as a way of Dean showing that he really did trust him and need him just as much as Sam did him. His heart swelled and squeezed Dean a little bit.

“I love you too Dean,” he said, although Dean had already fallen asleep. Sam, seeing as he had just woken up, wasn’t tired in the least bit. But leaving Dean alone was not an option right now so he just laid there, rubbing his hand up and down Dean’s arm. He felt guilty, as he had a full night of sleep while Dean struggled with his inner self to obtain even one measly hour of sleep. The guilt he felt grew as he thought of leaving Dean alone with Castiel. He had planned to call Castiel today and ask him to stay with Dean, only now he wasn’t so sure that was a good idea. But maybe they needed some time apart to cool down, at least Sam did. Sam thought about calling Castiel while he was just laying there, but decided against it so he wouldn’t wake the sleeping boy.

Sam laid there with him while he slept for almost two hours, only getting up once to go to the bathroom. When Dean woke, he was in a much better mood. He smiled up at Sam.

“Hungry,” he mumbled groggily.

“Good morning to you too,” Sam said. “You must’ve been real tired huh?”

Dean nodded. The boys left the room and then headed out to the kitchen in search of breakfast. Sam had decided on making some eggs and turned to ask Dean how he wanted his eggs cooked, only Dean was nowhere to be found.

“Dean?”

The boy came running out a second later with his stuffie clutched in his fist.

“Had to get bones,” he said smiling.

The stuffie reminded Sam of the toys he had gotten for Dean which he had yet to give him.

They ate eggs for breakfast and then sat down on the couch to watch Mulan. Dean was calm and content sitting there with Sam, and Sam decided that now was the time to talk to Dean about Castiel.

“Dean,” Sam said getting his attention. 

He looked up at Sam from where he was sitting on the couch with big, saucer eyes. The poor boy was so content and happy, Sam hated that he was about to ruin that.

“I have some things I need to do by myself, so I’m gonna have to leave for a little while, Okay?” Sam said cautiously.

Dean’s eyes quickly grew glassy and his lips curled into a quiver.

“I’m not gonna leave you here by yourself, Castiel is going to come and watch you.”

Dean grabbed onto Sam’s hand in a tight grip. “Don’t wan you ta leave.”

“I know buddy,” Sam pulled Dean into his chest. “I’ll come back though, it’s not forever, I promise.”

They sat there for a moment while Dean sniffled quietly. Sam hated to make the boy cry after he had just calmed down, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to be alone for an hour or two.

“Are you gonna be okay with that?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” Dean answered weakly. He wanted to be strong for his daddy.

Sam continued holding Dean and decided that now was as good a time as ever and pulled his phone out of his pocket.


	10. Chapter 10

The phone rang twice before Cas picked up.

“Hello Sam,” came his low raspy voice.

“Hey Cas, I need to ask a favor,” Sam said getting straight to the point.

They talked for a few minutes, Sam explaining his situation and Cas eager to help. Cas was at the bunker within seconds, accompanied by the sound of wings. 

Dean clutched onto his daddy even harder than before at the presence of the angel. He knew that Sam would be leaving soon and he’d be left all alone. Sam’s heart broke a little at the feeling of Dean’s shaking hands grabbing fistfuls of his tee shirt.

“Hello,” Cas said smiling.

“Hey Cas,” Sam said, returning the smile and then looking down at Dean. “Dean, you know Cas don’t you?” Sam asked.

Dean nodded. Sam stood up off the couch and Dean followed, grabbing Sam’s hand and hiding behind his back.

“No need to be scared,” Cas said in a quiet voice. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Dean wasn’t really scared of Cas by any means, it’s just that he wasn’t used to being little around anyone but daddy. Even though he had broken down and been little in front of Cas once before, it still felt a little weird to let it all go now. Before when he had done that it hadn’t been intentional, it was just kind of sprung on him in a moment of desperation and Cas was the only one around. Now was different, he knew what he was doing now and he wasn’t a crying mess in need of any kind of comfort he could get. He just wasn’t comfortable being little around Cas yet the way he was with Sam.

Dean stepped out from behind Sam a little bit, and looked up to his daddy for reassurance. Sam nodded, kindly smiling at the boy. 

“It’s okay,” Sam assured.

Sam knew that Dean would be nervous at first, but soon enough he was sure Dean would be having fun. To soothe the boys nerves, he decided now was the perfect time to gift his little boy the toy cars and racetrack. At least it would distract him if only for a little bit.

“I’ve got something for you before I leave,” Sam said. “Stay here for a second I’ll be right back.”

Sam quickly ran to grab the toys while Dean stood there awkwardly. He looked down at his feet, avoiding Castiel’s watching eyes. His hands found their way to a stray thread on the bottom of his tee shirt, a nervous habit he had recently adopted. Sam was only gone for all of two minutes, but to Dean it might as well have been twenty.

Sam came back holding the box of cars and the racetrack and Dean’s eyes immediately lit up. He turned towards Sam and made grabby hands at the toys, with the largest smile on his face.

“You got me cars?” He exclaimed.

Sam just smiled. He handed the unopened cardboard box of cars to Castiel and placed the track on the floor. Dean’s face turned a little sour at that, but he was still considerably happier than he was five minutes ago. 

“Cas will you open this for him?” Sam asked, seeing it as a perfect opportunity to leave.

Dean was already sat on the floor messing with the track as Sam patted him gently on the head and said a quick goodbye. Dean didn’t even look up. 

“So, call me if you need anything, I don’t think he’ll really have any major issues. I’ll only be gone for an hour or two,” Sam said to Cas. Sam showed him how to rent movies on the tv and told him Dean’s favorite kind of snacks, among other small pieces of information.

Sam looked back at his boy once more before leaving. He was so sweet and so distracted by the simplest of things. It worried Sam a little to leave him alone, but he knew both Cas and Dean would be fine.

Sam walked out the door and headed to the impala. There were a few things he needed to get done today and the first was to stop at the store and pick up a few things for Dean. Sam had decided it was time to do something about the bed wetting situation. For one thing, washing the sheets everyday was getting old, but more importantly Sam knew how much it upset Dean to wake up wet. The poor boy was always so tired and waking up wet was certainly not helping. So, to help with this a little, Sam decided he was going to buy a plastic protector to go under Dean’s sheets so he wouldn’t further damage the mattress. He also was going to buy pull ups, although he knew Dean would be reluctant to wear them. He’d estimated that when Dean regressed he was around three or four, so he opted for pull ups rather than diapers. Sam also was going to buy a sippy cup, that one didn’t really have a reason, Sam just thought that Dean might like it, even though it might take a bit of coaxing for him to use it at first.

Sam finished up at the store rather quickly, purchasing the things he needed for Dean as well as a few miscellaneous items. Then, Sam headed to the gym because he was in desperate need of exercise. With always taking care of Dean, Sam hadn’t been working out nearly as often as he used to. He really needed to blow off some steam and this was the perfect way to do it.

•••

Dean was sat on the floor looking up at Cas as he patiently waited for his toy cars. At the promise of toys to play with his daddy was soon forgotten and all he could think about was the little racetrack sat in front of him. 

Castiel didn’t really know what to say to Dean. He was staring up at him a bit intensely while he cut open the cardboard and carefully pulled out the cars. There were three in the set, a purple one, a blue one, and an orange one. Once all the cars were out of the box, Cas carried them over to Dean and sat down on the floor next to him.

“Let’s race,” Dean said happily.

“Okay. Which car do you want?” Castiel asked, with a smile. It was funny, only a little while ago Dean had been on the verge of tears and would hardly look at Castiel. Now it was like he was blissfully unaware that it was Cas who was present.

Dean thought for a minute looking overall the cars before picking up the blue one. “I wan blue, and you race with the purple!” He said.

“Purple,” Castiel said. “Why not the orange one?”

“Cause purple is better than orange,” Dean said simply. He placed the blue car at the top of the track and then looked at Castiel expectantly.

“Put your car here,” Dean said as he pointed at the second slot on the track. “Then we’re gonna race.”

Castiel put the purple car where Dean had pointed and then waited for Dean’s next instruction. He had never really played with toys before, not like this at least. It was so foreign to Cas, to see Dean so invested in something other than hunting or food or his real car. It was a nice change of pace all the same though.

“Ok now you say ‘on your marks, get set, go’ and then we push the cars and race,” Dean said.

“You want me to say it?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said nodding wildly. “You gotta say it real loud too.”

“Is this loud enough?” Cas said yelling a little.

Dean giggled and moved to sit on his knees. “No you gotta be THIS LOUD,” Dean said, yelling the last part.

Cas laughed a little and smiled at the boy. “Okay, okay I’ll say it that loud.”

Dean placed his finger behind the car, ready to give it a good push as he stared at Cas. Cas did the same as Dean and then turned to face him.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

Dean nodded, not taking his eyes off the car.

“Are you sure?” Cas asked again.

Dean nodded again.

“Are you really, really sure?”

Dean couldn’t contain his laugh. “I’m ready, I’m ready!”

“Okay,” Cas said quietly. “On your marks, get set, go!” Castiel yelled as Dean violently pushed the car down the track. He made fists with his hands and shook them frantically as he watched the cars fly around the track. He was bouncing on his knees and his eyes were wide. Castiel wasn’t even paying attention to the cars, he was just focused on watching the way Dean got so excited. 

Castiel was pulled out of his thoughts as Dean screamed, “I win!”

“Oh no, I lost?” Cas whined jokingly. “I guess we gotta play again until I win.”

“Uh uh, I’m gonna beat you again,” Dean said.

They played with the cars for a while longer, and Cas let Dean win every time.

“Can we watcha movie?” Dean asked. He was growing tired of playing cars, his index finger hurt a little from pushing so hard against the plastic.

“Sure. What movie?” Castiel asked as he stood up and walked towards the tv.

They ended up watching The Incredibles. Unlike when Dean watched movies with his daddy, he didn’t let himself lay all over Castiel. He didn’t know if Castiel would be comfortable with that, he didn’t know if he himself was comfortable cuddling with Castiel. Dean tried to focus on the movie but it wasn’t the same without daddy. Suddenly his eyes were welling up with tears. He tried not to cry in front of Castiel but he missed daddy. He suddenly felt the impending doom that was present earlier all over again. Even though daddy said he would be right back, he still felt like maybe that was a lie. Maybe daddy didn’t want to take care of him anymore and he abandoned him. It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened to Dean. 

By now tears were streaming down his cheeks and falling onto his tee shirt. Castiel had now taken notice of the poor boys state and scooted a little closer to him.

“What’s wrong little one?” Cas coaxed quietly.

Dean just shook his head, not wanting to be bad for Castiel. Castiel moved closer to the boy and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“Miss daddy.” Dean mumbled through his tears.

Castiel moved even closer to Dean until their hips and legs were touching all the way down. Then he put his arm around Dean’s shoulders and pulled him close. The boy collapsed into the angel and no longer tried to hold in his sorrows.

“I know baby, he’ll be back soon.”

Dean shook his head. “He’s not comin back.”

“Of course he is why would you say that?” Castiel asked. He was cradling Dean’s head is his hands now.

Dean let out a loud string of sobs. “Daddy doesn’t wanna take care of me anymore.”

“That’s not true,” Cas cooed. “Sam loves you more than anyone else.” Cas strokes Dean’s hair while he shushed the boys sobs. 

Dean wanted to believe what Castiel was saying but it was hard when his head kept insisting that daddy was gone. He let himself be soothed by Castiel’s soft voice and loving touches. They sat there for a long time, Dean wasn’t sure how long but the movie had ended. Dean closed his eyes and snuggled further into Castiel’s arms. The angel sat with Dean and hummed softly trying to calm him down until they heard footsteps from the door. Dean lifted his head and turned to look at the door.

“Hello?” Sam called through the house.

“Daddy!” Dean screamed, and ran into Sam’s arms. Sam was all sweaty from the gym but dean could care less.

“How was it?” Sam asked.

Dean didn’t say anything, just hugged his daddy harder.

Castiel walked over to where they were standing.

“Dean was good. We played cars for a while which was pleasant, then watched a movie.” Cas paused. “He got a little upset, he missed you,” Castiel whispered.

“Thank you so much Cas,” Sam said. “I really needed that.”

“It’s no problem, I’ll be happy to do it again,” Cas smiled.

They chatted for a moment, and then Castiel said his goodbye and was ready to leave. Dean let go of Sam and quickly ran to where Castiel was standing. Dean hugged Castiel and the angel felt his heart swell.

“Thank you,” Dean mumbled into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel hugged him back. “No problem.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! Been busy lately. Also thank you for all the kudos and comments ^^

Ever since Castiel had watched Dean, he had spent a lot more time at the bunker than he had before. The angel had found that he quite enjoyed spending time with Dean, both as a little and when he was big. Castiel had instantly found that he had a love for taking care of Dean and playing the childish, innocent games. Not only did Castiel enjoy it, but so did Sam. It was so much easier on Sam to have the angel around. He could finally take a shower without Dean lingering by the door, he could go for runs, make supply runs. Castiel’s presence had been immensely helpful and was much needed. It was only a plus that Dean seemed to enjoy playing with Cas.

They played cars, hide and seek, they watched movies together, whatever Dean wanted to do, that’s what they did.

“Cas! Cas!” Dean screamed. The angel had just arrived at the bunker. He hadn’t been there in a few days and he and Dean were desperate both desperate for the others company. Dean ran over to hug him, and Castiel happily opened his arms to him.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel replied. He glanced over at Sam who was sat at the table with his laptop. 

Sam had been researching a case. With all the free time that he had as of late, he had decided that maybe he could work a case by himself. It would be something quick. A wendigo, or a stray werewolf maybe, just something to ease back into it. The only problem was that Dean had never spent a night alone without Sam. Sam wasn’t sure how well that would go over, seeing as they had a bit of a routine. Lately though, Dean had been sleeping on his own, in his own room, more and more. Sam knew it was only a ploy to avoid wetting the bed in front of him or worse, next to him. Dean had adamantly told Sam that the accidents had stopped. Sam wasn’t so sure of that.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Castiel asked as they both pulled away from the hug.

Dean looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before answering. “We need a new game,” he declared.  
“A new game? Like what?” 

“I dunno,” Dean whined. “I’m bored of all the other ones. We need a new one.”

“Hmm,” Castiel said, thinking. “What about tag?”

“There’s only two players,” Dean said.

“So? Maybe we can get Sam to play with us,” Castiel whispered.

Dean smiled mischievously. He stood up and ran over towards where Sam was sitting. “Tag you’re it!” Dean yelled as he tapped Sam’s shoulder lightly, and then took off running to the other room.

Sam was still typing away on his computer, but when Dean deemed him “it”, Sam dropped everything to chase after him. He couldn’t resist that little grin and giggley laugh.

The three boys chased after each other for a few minutes, but it didn’t last very long. Dean was running away from Cas, and tripped over the leg of a chair.

Dean sat up from the floor and looked up at Sam. 

“Hey, you’re okay, it’s okay buddy. Just a little scrape Okay?”

Dean didn’t even know why he was crying, only knew that he was. He’d been hurt tens times worse than he is now, he’d been to literal hell and back, yet somehow a simple little trip suddenly made him so upset. It didn’t help that his daddy kept saying that it was okay, kept telling him he could cry if he needed to, Dean just couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He was sat on the floor and then all of a sudden he wasn’t anymore. He was laid in daddy’s bed with Castiel next to him, just holding him. He was about to ask where daddy was, when Sam came back into the room holding something in his hand. The light was off and it was dark, save for the slivers of light cascading in from the between the blinds, so Dean couldn’t really make out what he was holding. It didn’t matter though. Castiel was laid by Dean’s side and Sam sat down on the bed on the other side of Dean. His daddy handed him bones, and he squished the stuffie up against the side of his face, allowing the fur to absorb some of his tears. Dean didn’t say anything for a long time, and somehow his cheeks were still wet, and all of a sudden he was so so tired. Castiel and Sam kept talking to him, trying to coax him to calm down a little. Dean knew that he should try to listen or try to stop crying, he knew he was being bad but couldn’t pull himself together to be good for them. He was so exhausted all of a sudden, like it had taken his little injury for him to realize.

“Dean, buddy? I have something for you and I want you to try it Okay? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again but I want you to try,” Sam said delicately.

Dean only nodded slightly, he was so unresponsive Sam wasn’t even sure if he was processing anything that was happening. Dean laid motionless with Castiel still by his side, soothingly rubbing his arm up and down. Sam lifted his hand to show Dean what was held in his hand, a baby blue pacifier. He’d bought it a few days ago and was debating on how to bring up the subject to Dean. Sam tried to suggest the idea of the sippy cup to him, and it ended badly to say the least. So the thought that Dean would ever go for a pacifier was a bit of a stretch. Yet, somehow Sam thought that maybe it would calm him down. The poor boy had worked himself up so much, he was so tired, maybe the pacifier would ease some of his pain. 

Dean didn’t so much as flinch at the sight of it, just sat there docility as Sam popped it into his mouth. At first, Dean did nothing, he might as well have not even known it was there. But after a moment he began rhythmically sucking. That was a good sign at least, he wasn’t crying any harder or becoming more upset. He closed his eyes, let the feeling of Castiel up against his left and Sam against his right be of enough comfort to calm down a little. Just as he was drifting in and out of sleep, he forced himself to open his eyes. There was no way he could fall asleep, next to both men, with the looming threat of having another accident hanging over his head. It was especially dire that he not fall asleep since he had been lying to Sam about the accidents.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice came. “You can go to sleep if you need to. We’ll stay with you it’s okay.” The angel seemed to be noticing the struggle that Dean was having.

Dean said nothing, just continued to suck on his pacifier, which seemed to be doing the job. He was admittedly more calm and found that focusing on the pacifier rather than the thoughts in his head truly helped. However, had Dean been a bit more aware, he’d never allow this to happen.

“It’s okay,” daddy whispered near his ear. 

But it wasn’t okay, none of what was happening was okay at all. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t, it just wasn’t an option. He told himself he wouldn’t cry again because it made his daddy and Cas upset, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Hey buddy, you can talk to us,” Sam said.

“S’Okay. You can tell us what’s wrong, no one’s gonna judge you,” Castiel agreed.

Dean sniffled and then pulled the pacifier out of his mouth. “Can’t sleep,” he said.

“Why not buddy?” Sam asked, heartache evident in his voice. He hated seeing his boy like this.

Dean couldn’t make himself answer, he just let out a few strangled sobs in response.

“Is it the nightmares?” Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head no.

“Dean, have you been having accidents?” Sam questioned, even though he was almost sure of the answer.

That was all it took for Dean to become a complete mess. Sam sat up and maneuvered them so they were leaning against the headboard, Castiel followed suit. 

“You could wear protection just to help you sleep,” Sam suggested.

“No!” Dean quickly shouted. “I don’t wanna daddy.”

“It would just help you sleep without having to wake so early. It’s not healthy for you to keep running on such little sleep,” Castiel added.

“M’not a baby,” he wailed.

“No ones calling you a baby honey, you wouldn’t even need to wear diapers. You could wear pull ups,” Sam said.

Dean couldn’t reply, he stuffed the pacifier back in his mouth and shoved bones into his chest. He didn’t wanna wear a diaper or a pull up. Using a pacifier was one thing, but protection? He wasn’t sure if he could force himself into that. Just the thought made sick. He wasn’t a baby. He could just stop wetting the bed, he could and he would.

“It’s okay, we don’t need to talk about it right now,” Sam said soothingly. “I want you to think about it though. I think it could really help you.”

They didn’t talk about it anymore after that. But Dean thought about it. He thought about it a lot. 

•••

Dean took a nap and when he woke up, he wasn’t little anymore. Which was only a little awkward considering he woke up snuggled in the sheets with his best friend and his brother. Also the pacifier was still in his mouth and his stuffie was still wrapped in his arms.

Neither of the other two men were asleep they were just kind of sitting there, and when Dean opened his eyes, both sat up straight. Dean abruptly ripped the pacifier from his mouth, and let the stuffie fall from his grasp.

“Hey buddy,” Sam said cautiously.

“Hey,” Dean grunted and quickly made way to get out of the bed.

Both boys let him leave the room without question, but Sam followed him to the hall. Dean really didn’t feel like talking, he felt like being alone for a while. 

Lately, everything had been going better but at the same time everything was worse. All the boys were slowly falling in a routine and learning their places in all of the craziness that had become their lives, and that was good. Things were becoming normal. Despite that, Dean still felt like a burden to his brother and Cas. He still didn’t understand why he was forced into feeling the things he felt, or why he had to cope in this way. He thought about how fucked up it was, how fucked up he had become. Hell, there was shitstorm of fucked up inside of him that he wasn’t even sure therapy could fix at this point. Basically, Dean just felt like shit about himself, no matter how much Sam had tried to convince him he had nothing to be ashamed of, or nothing to be upset about, or whatever. It didn’t matter, because he never really believed Sam that much. Even though Sam was probably sincere, Dean couldn’t see how he didn’t realize how fucked up and perverted all the shit was that Dean was making him do. 

“You wanna y’all about it?” Sam asked.

Dean rubbed his eyes with one hand. “No.”

“You were really upset Dean and—“

“Just shut up okay. I’ll be fine you don’t have to keep pretending you care anymore,” Dean deadpanned. He left Sam standing in the hall alone, as he walked to his room. He slammed the door, a bit childishly.

Sam stood in the hallway feeling defeated. He’d seen so much progress in Dean lately, he wasn’t sure where this had come from. Although maybe he knew that Dean was still having sleeping problems, everything else seemed to be going well. He felt a few tears prick his eyes and he quickly blinked them away as Cas entered the hall. 

It made no sense, Dean had seemed so happy. Sam was happy too. Why did one little thing have to become such a large bump in the road?

Sam was pulled out of his thoughts. 

“I think I should go,” Castiel said.

Sam’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What, why?”

Castiel shook his head. “He’s upset. You’re better at dealing with this than I am.”

“Cas you can’t go. Dean would be more upset knowing you left,” he paused and just looked to Castiel with pleading eyes. “Dean needs you here. I need you here.”

“I’m sorry Sam,” was all Cas said before he disappeared.

Now he was left standing alone once again, feeling heavy with defeat. Dean was the same as he’d always been, and no matter how much he believed things were getting better, he had to recognize that maybe it just wasn’t the case.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a hot minute since I've updated. (oops) But I'm back and I'm going to try to post another chapter either later today or sometime tomorrow :)) Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos!! It really means a lot to me.

Surprisingly, over the next few days Dean didn’t hide away in his room or make much of an effort to avoid Sam in any way. He was doing normal things, he cooked for himself, watched tv, enjoyed a beer. That being said, the one thing that Dean was doing was a whole lot of moping around. Everywhere he went he had a sort of melancholy to him. He had increasingly large bags beneath his eyes, he had let his scruff grow out and it was blatantly obvious that he hadn’t showered in days. Dean didn’t let Sam touch him either. He was ignoring pretty much all of what Sam had said to him. Dean would be the first to admit that it was more than a bit childish, but it was all he could do not to run to the safety of Sam’s arms. After the day with Cas and Sam, Dean had decided that he’d had enough of the whole little thing. It was too strange, too weird. There were already plenty of things in Dean’s life that he had to feel weird about, he really didn’t need this to add to the list. To him, it was just another thing he had to push to the back of his mind and just forget about it. All of this would blow over soon, and things could go back to normal.

Sam however, was growing increasingly tired of Dean’s antics. He’d had enough of the childish games. After three days of Dean moping around and ignoring him, he was at his wits end. It was just after lunch time and Dean was sat on the couch watching some shitty day time tv show. Sam stood abruptly from his place at the kitchen table, calmly walked over to the tv, picked up the remote and turned it off. Dean whipped his head towards him to give Sam an angry glance, but of course didn’t say anything.

“We need to talk,” Sam said bluntly.

Dean gave no reply.

“I know you’re probably not going to say anything, and that’s fine, but you can’t ignore me forever.” He paused, waiting to see Dean’s reaction.

Dean hardly even moved, he sat with his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him.

“Dean we can’t keep doing this. It seems like everytime things start to get easier for us something has to mess it up, but instead of talking about it or trying to fix things you retreat in on yourself. This is never going to work if we don’t—“

“This isn’t going to work no matter what,” Dean interrupted. “I’m done with this— this thing that we’re doing. It’s not normal. And I don’t want to force you to take care of me.”

It was the first time Sam had heard his voice in days, he could have cried at the sound. But it broke Sam’s heart to hear how insecure Dean still was about the whole thing.

“You’re not forcing me to do anything, Dean. I took up this responsibility on my own initiative, and if I didn’t want to be here I’d tell you. I know that you think that this isn’t normal, but since when have our lives ever been normal? There is no shame in feeling the things that you feel, and I think that if being little makes you happy, you need to soak up all the happiness you can get from it.” Sam gently sat down next to Dean, he was careful not to touch him though as he didn’t want to set him off.

Dean could feel tears gathering in his eyes, and he mustered up all the strength he had to keep them at bay.

“Sammy I want to be little and I want you to take care of me but I just can’t let it happen.” His voice cracked as he spoke.

“Why not,” Sam questioned gently.

“Because I’m supposed to be the big brother and I’m supposed to be the one that’s strong for you. Not the other way around,” Dean said. A few stray tears dropped down his face and onto his shirt.

“You’ve been that for me for so long Dean. Don’t you think it’s your turn to be the little brother for once?”

Dean hesitated but then nodded a bit reluctantly. He was just on the cusp of being little but he hadn’t yet allowed himself to fully let go.

“Okay,” Sam said softly. “Then let me take care of you.” Sam wrapped his arm around Dean’s back and Dean gladly slumped against his brothers side.

“Love you, daddy,” Dean mumbled weakly as he finally let himself be little again.

Sam tried to leave it at that, but there was one other thing he needed to add. 

“I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do though. If you don’t want to use the pacifier or you don’t want to use the pull ups you tell me Okay?”

Dean nodded.

“But, I do want you to try the pull ups okay buddy? I really think they’ll help you sleep, and if you absolutely hate it I won’t make you wear them ever again, okay?”

Dean just nodded again. His voice felt too raw for words.

They sat there for a while, Dean just leaning on Sam, and Sam soothingly rubbing his back.

“Let’s get you cleaned up huh? Someone could really use a bath,” Sam said as Dean giggled.

Sam stood and grabbed Dean’s hand, leading him down the hall to the bathroom. He sat Dean down on the toilet seat while he grabbed towels and other supplies.

“You want a bath or shower?”

“Bath!” Dean replied quickly. He knew if he said shower then he’d have to do all the work, and his favorite thing was to have his daddy massage his scallop while washing his hair.

Sam filled the tub with warm water and bubbles. He placed shampoo, body wash, a washcloth and an extra towel on the edge of the tub. Once everything was put into place, he stood Dean up off the toilet.

“You want to do it yourself or you want me to do it?” Sam asked gesturing to the boys clothes.

“You,” Dean said quietly, pointing a finger towards his brother.

“Okay, up,” Sam said pulling on the hem of Dean’s shirt. He stripped his brother out of all his clothes, except for his boxers. Sam still hesitated sometimes when bathing Dean, he was still his brother after all and the last thing he wanted to do was make Dean uncomfortable. However Dean hardly seemed to bat an eye at his lack of clothes, so Sam continued. After he was rid of all his clothes, Sam helped him into the tub. Sam smiled at seeing Dean so relaxed. He had come a long way since their first few baths. Dean used to make a big show of pouting and whining during bath time, but now he was so sweet and pliant. He even enjoyed it a little.

Sam hummed softly as he knelt down next to the tub. He squirted a small amount of shampoo into his hands and began to lather it into Dean’s hair. He worked his fingers through the short hair, gently rubbing circles into his skin. Dean let the comforting touch and sweet smell of the lavender shampoo lull him into tranquility. He made quiet noises of content at the back of his throat and allowed his eyes to close. When all the shampoo had been rinsed away, Sam picked up the sudsy wash cloth and began running it over Dean’s body. He smoothed it over his arms, chest, torso, legs but left Dean to do his privates. Sam pulled the drain up letting all the water out. Dean let out an unhappy noise of protest.

“The water’s getting cold, bud. You don’t wanna sit in cold water do you?”

Dean only grunted and crossed his arms.

“Come on, up,” Sam said as he grabbed under his armpits to lift him.

As soon as Dean was out of the bath he shivered in an exaggerated manner.

“So dramatic,” Sam laughed.  
He wrapped a fluffy towel around the boy and Dean leaned into his daddy. All the previous traumas of the day were mostly forgotten and washed down the drain with the dirty bath water. Both boys were quite content for the moment.

•••

As it drew closer to bedtime, the dread that Dean had previously felt was making another appearance. The day had been rather relaxing up until this point. After his bath, daddy had let him play whatever he wanted, they even colored pictures and Dean hung his on the fridge. Daddy let him cuddle and snuggle with him as much as he wanted while they watched disney movies. Then for dinner, daddy had let him pick what they ate, Dean picked burgers of course. But now, the looming threat of the dreaded pull up hung over his head.

The boys were sat on the couch watching a cartoon. Dean’s eyes were involuntarily closing, and he was desperately tried to fight off his sleepiness.

“Looks like someone is ready for bed,” Sam said. 

Dean quickly shook his head. 

“M’not tired,” Dean argued.

“Is that so?”

Dean nodded, looking up at his daddy with puppy dog eyes. Sam allowed him to sit for another minute or so until he saw his head lull back once more.

“C’mon little man, lets go to bed,” Sam whispered. 

Dean let out a weak protest but still stood up next to Sam. He grabbed his daddy’s hand and they walked to his bedroom together. Dean sat on the bed while daddy dug out pajamas. He came over to the bed with a t shirt, sweatpants and the pull up all in hand.

“We really should get you some proper pjs huh?” Sam said gesturing to the clothes.

Dean didn’t respond he was too worried about the pull up. By now he had picked up his stuffie from where it lie on his pillow, and squished it close to his chest. 

“If it’s bothering you this much we can wait another day to try the pull up,” Sam coaxed. He hated seeing his baby in such distress.

Dean shook his head. “I wan be good,” he mumbled. Sam couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Okay, come here then.”

Sam helped him get his clothes off then pulled the crinkly pull up over his hips. Dean felt tears in his eyes, but refused to let them fall. Sam quickly helped him put the pants on over it to try and distract Dean from it. The pull made a soft swishing noise everytime Dean moved. He didn’t like the puffiness of it at all. 

“It’s okay honey,” Sam murmured when he noticed his glossy eyes.

He put Dean’s t shirt on and then let Dean hug him tightly. 

“It’s okay. No one is making fun of you or judging you. You got nothing to be embarrassed of, buddy.”

Dean buried his face in Sam’s side. Sam picked the boy up and brought him over to the bed. They both laid down beneath the covers.

“Lets go to sleep, okay?”

Dean nodded and slowly drifted to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please disregard any mistakes. Also, I can’t express how glad I am that people are actually enjoying my story:))). Thanks again for all the comments and kudos ^^

Dean woke up before Sam. At first, it felt like any other morning. His daddy was lying beside him with his arm slung over Dean’s torso, and upon waking Dean snuggled in closer to daddy trying to soak up the warmth from his skin. Dean was about to fall back asleep when he remembered the events from the night before. Dean cautiously sat up and felt an unfamiliar squish between his legs. It was wet and cold and there was a strong smell of ammonia. It was just icky. Dean felt a bit of shame bubble in his chest.

Sam had started to stir a bit in his sleep and Dean quickly tried to compose himself.

“Good morning bud,” Sam said. He tried to pull Dean back into his chest, but Dean only pulled farther away.

He didn’t want daddy to touch him right now. He was embarrassed and ashamed and he just felt icky. His daddy probably thought he was disgusting and gross too. What if Sam didn’t wanna be his daddy anymore?

Daddy reached to wipe away a tear that Dean hadn’t realized fell. Daddy seemed to understand why Dean was upset. Dean was grateful that he didn’t pry or try to make him talk about it. He really didn’t know if he could handle talking about it.

Sam stood and lightly tugged on Dean’s hand, urging him to the bathroom. They both stood and Dean allowed Sam to drag him to the bathroom. Dean sat down on the toilet seat as Sam started running the bath. Sam delicately tugged the pull up down Dean’s legs, Dean couldn’t help but wince. Tears were still silently dripping down his cheeks. He suddenly felt guilty for letting his daddy tend to him in this way. He felt ashamed and embarrassed, and now he really really didn’t feel like having a bath. It didn’t seem fair for Sam to have to do that. But then Sam was helping him into the warm water and calmingly running the wash cloth over his skin and Dean couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Dean melted into his daddy’s soft touches and soon his tears had dried. 

Neither Dean or Sam spoke throughout the duration of the bath. Once Dean was dry and back into clothes, he tugged on his daddy’s hand, beckoning him to the living room. Sam sat down on the couch and Dean sat in his lap. He put his arms around his daddy’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder. Sam pressed a soft kiss to the side of Dean’s neck.

“I’m proud of you,” Sam whispered.

Neither of them said a word after that. They sat still for a long time, Dean didn’t really know how long, but it was long enough that his hand was starting to fall asleep.

“I won’t make you do it again if you don’t wanna,” Sam said quietly.

Dean shook his head. “S’Okay.” He wasn’t crying anymore and he was feeling a little better.

“Wan nap daddy.”

“Okay, lets go take a nap.”

“Just me,” Dean said. He didn’t really need a nap. He just wanted to be alone for a while.

Sam was a little hurt that Dean didn’t want to be around him, but still, he led the boy to his room and tucked him in.

It’d been at least five days since Castiel had been to the bunker, and while Sam knew cas could take care of himself, he still worried about his well being. Cas left after Dean had had his little breakdown and Sam was worried he’d never come back. Sam needed him, without Cas Sam was left to take care of Dean alone. While Sam loved taking care of Dean, he also needed time when he could just be by himself and do things that he wasn’t sure Dean was ready for. Before Dean had fallen apart that day Sam was working on a case, which he had to abandon to tend to Dean. Just because he had to drop that case didn’t mean that Sam wasn’t itching to get back on the job. But he couldn’t do that if Cas wasn’t there. He figured it was time to give him a call.

Castiel answered rather quickly with his familiar “hello Sam.”

“Cas Hey. Where’ve you been?”

“Just taking care of business,” cas said ominously.

“Well, we miss you dude. Dean really misses you.”

Cas didn’t say anything.

“I think you should come home,” Sam said a little timidly.

There was a silence hanging between them.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Castiel answered finally.

“Cas come on, we’re your family,” Sam pleaded. “You were so happy before… you know. What changed?”

“I don’t think that I am equipped to properly care for him the way you are,” Castiel replied.

“That’s not true. You’re so good with him and he loves you.” There was another silence. “Just… come to the bunker, please?” Castiel didn’t answer and Sam had assumed he’d just hung up. Sam sighed as he turned around, surprised to see Castiel standing there calmly.

“Jesus Cas,” Sam said startled.

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted me to come I—“

“Yes cas I want you here just— give me a warning next time,” Sam said laughing a little.

“So where is he?”

“He’s uh taking a nap at the moment but—“

“Cas!” Dean interrupted excitedly. He came bounding down the hall and practically jumped into Castiel’s arms. 

Sam loved seeing Castiel and Dean together. It seemed to be almost therapeutic for Dean. Sam loved the way Cas’ usually serious demeanor changed so drastically to sweet and caring.

Castiel lifted the boy up, and Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel’s waist. Dean’s smile was enormous, which was such a contrast to earlier.

“I missed you,” Castiel said sweetly.

Dean didn’t say anything, only held on tighter.

“So, what games should we play?” Castiel asked.

•••

Castiel and Dean played for hours on hours, Dean hardly noticing Sam at all. Dean was the happiest Sam had seen him in a long time, and that felt good, but Sam still felt like something was missing. He needed to get back to the job so so badly. Never did he think he would miss the hunting life, but there was something about the adrenaline rush that it gave him that he just couldn’t find anywhere else. Judging by the way Dean was acting today, Sam figured it was safe to say that he could leave for a night. Maybe even two. He told himself he was just gonna go on one hunt, just to tie him over for a while.

While Dean and cas ran around playing tag or hide and seek or whatever they were doing, Sam sat on his laptop researching a mysterious death in a small town that was only about three or four hours away. There were four bodies, all drained of blood. Sam was pretty sure it was a vamp nest and he was confident that he’d be able to take the case by himself. He was getting all excited and had begun planning things out in his head but then he remembered Dean. 

He couldn’t just leave with telling Dean, he was pretty sure the boy would never forgive him. Not to mention, Dean had only been away from Sam for of around four or five hours since this whole little thing had started. He needed to have a private conversation with his boy to make sure he would be okay with it. He could only imagine the hurt Dean would feel if he didn’t. 

•••

Castiel stayed for dinner, although he didn’t eat anything, which made Dean immensely happy. After they ate, Dean had ran to his room screaming “I’ll be right back!”

Sam took the moment to ask Castiel if he would be comfortable watching Dean for a couple days. Of course, Castiel happily agreed.

“I’d be more than happy to,” he said with a large smile spreading across his face.

Dean came sprinting back to the living room with a blanket and his stuffie in his hands. 

“I had to get bones,” Dean said panting a bit from running. “Can we watcha movie?” Dean asked.

All three boys piled on the couch snuggled in an array blankets and pillows. Limbs were all tangled together, and Dean felt the safest he had in months. The lion king was playing on tv but Dean wasn’t really paying attention. He was distracted by the sound of Cas’ steady breath and the soft fingers running down his back. He felt all warm and fuzzy, but suddenly he had the urge to pop his thumb in his mouth. He tentatively put his thumb in his mouth and sucked rhythmically on the digit. 

Sam looked down to Dean in a bit of confusion. He stood with the intent of getting the pacifier but Dean protested his leaving.

“Daddy,” he mumbled around his thumb.

“I’ll be right back, okay?”

Sam returned after 2 minutes with the pacifier in hand.

“Here you go baby boy,” he said placing it between his lips.

Dean happily sucked on it. He might as well have been in heaven. He felt so cared for and coddled, between the attention from his daddy and Cas. He hoped that things could stay like this forever. The movie wasn’t half way over yet but Dean had been drifting off to sleep.

“Alright, I think it’s bedtime,” Sam announced.

Dean was so blissed out he barely even objected to it. Also It was also considerably easier to get Dean into his pull up. Sam had done the brunt of the work, pulling the pull up on and cleaning Dean up, while Castiel distracted him with a story. It was becoming clear that they were meant to be a family. It was meant to be Sam, cas, and Dean, no other variation would be acceptable. They all needed each other for different reasons, but with cas there, it was like all the pieces had finally fallen together.

Sam had wanted to ask dean about leaving for a few days, but it felt so wrong of him to ruin the mood. Sam let Dean have today and tonight to be a small piece of paradise.

Dean fell asleep that night quick and peacefully. It didn’t matter that he was wearing a pull up, or sucking on a pacifier anymore. It didn’t matter because Dean was happy.


End file.
